Week 6: Match-ups

This week has constantly felt like its gotten away from me - but I think I'm in a spot to concentrate and look at the box projections.

If you're curious about where fantasy sports is in the US at the moment, take a gander at this article. It's moved from just being a time-consuming hobby to a multi-billion dollar don't-call-it-sports-gambling-industry sports gambling industry. As the article makes clear, the constant game-day advertising is annoying a lot of NFL fans that just want to watch the game, meanwhile the handful of success stories get a lot of promotion and the hardluck stories are swept under the rug. Go gambling  high-tech entertainment industry! Maybe we'll see this ramp up next year in the AFL? Something to look forward to.

Zim (110) v Agent P (93)

This is a good week for Zim to start her ascent, no Bye's, Lynch back, Ginn ready, the Patriots playing a depleted Colts. But Agent P is not without her charms, also Bye free, and Newton fresh from his Bye, Marshall playing well, Kelce playing well and the Giants playing the Eagles - in which anything could happen. Rightfully, Luck is on the bench at this stage and looks to be a game-time decision whether he'll play or not. Unless Agent P cares to check the line-up's at about 6:45 Monday morning Newton as QB is probably the right call.

Breesus (113) v Marcy (125)

Drew Brees is playing as I type and needs to have a good game for his sake, tough ask against Atlanta these days. Hyde against the Ravens would be a good match-up, except he hurt himself last week as was limited this week. Replace with Jarryd Hayne maybe??? (HAHAHAHAHA) For Marcy, Rodgers had a down game last week against the Rams, only 15 points, but against the Chargers this week should do much better. TJ Yeldon, her RB, seems to be valued highly in Fantasy circles, but is listed on the injury report. Antonio Brown will be one to watch again, against one of the toughest D's in the league and without Big Ben throwing it to him. 16 projected points - likely? Could you not start him though?

Farnsworths (104) v The General (99)

The Farn's will be hoping for a big start with Ryan playing as I type, if he hopes to avoid being cut down to size and make it a 5-game winning streak. But with AP against the Chiefs, Larry F against the Steelers, Beckham against the Eagles, it could be tough to stop. But the General is not without weapons, Palmer, Bell, Decker and Hopkins (against the Jags) are all good pieces to have. Not sure I'd bet against the hot-streak this week though.

Endless (97) v Lighties (113)

First team to have an active Bye's player, Endless's kicker won't be contributing to her score this week. I keep talking up Donnell her TE, check out this game-winning catch from last week - with only seconds left on the clock! Can Lacey come out to play this week? We've been asking that for too many weeks now. Lighties are rolling with the BToP Rivers again, but this week it's the Packers at Lambeau, that's tough! But I'm with him, no way I'm starting Kaep. Vereen was good last week and against the Eagles is a good match-up. McCoy is struggling with injuries but will probably play. Still loving the WR depth, five solid player to pick from now. Maybe a trade opportunity?

Doof (104) v BB (119)

Can I, can anyone, stop the rampaging BB? Smith may not play, Woodhead could be kept quiet, I guess it all hinges on how much Nawlins and Atlanta beat each other up, with Ingram, Jones and Freeman all playing today. With my standard media black-out underway I won't know until tonight when I watch the game. But, the Red Rocket is on fire, Forsett is doing ok, Murray and Tucker are solid. I'd say I have a chance of trimming the weeds this week.

Week 5: Wash-up

Ok, things reverting to normal now, but I'll keep this update short(ish) as you already know what happened. This is my first chance to look over the box scores.

BB standing proud, a new shoot coming through

I shocked that sun visors are still worn too

Apologies to Breesus (and happy birthday!), despite your desperate plea to quietly forget the 0.9 loss to the tall poppy the commenting must go on - its what we professional sports journalists do. If it's any comfort, Drew Brees is no doubt feeling the exact same way. Except you've still got more wins than him! The lesson is, don't hire Rob Ryan as Defensive Coordinator. Or a Head Coach that wears a sun-visor instead of a real hat. There, I said it.

BB (100.5) v Breesus (99.6)

That Monday Night Football game sure turned this into a stunner. Antonio Gates, in his first game of the season, put up 21.2 points for Breesus whose epic comeback was nearly as good as the Steelers in that game. Check it - 1-yard to go with only 5 sconds left! They totally stole the game from the Chargers, but here BB held on by the skin of his teeth. The mighty Joe Flacco led the way (that doesn't sound right). BB stays on top of the Standings for another week with a still unbroken 5-0 record.

 Farnsworth's (64) def Agent P (57)

The Farnsworth's continue to roll opponents, this week taking down Agent P, moving to a 4-game winning streak and - TA-DA! -  now is our second Tall Poppy of the year. That's right, the Farn's has activated the Gardener award. Agent P suffered from Bye fever, while the Farn's rode high on Odell Beckham, just like the NY Giants did.

Marcy (110) def Endless (54)

Back in the winner circle, Marcy enjoyed having 5 of her players do well compared to... well none of Endless's. It's crazy to see Wilson, Lacey, Morris and the Texans all being rubbish, and not for the first time this year. Could not have picked that five weeks ago. Also interesting that the second lowest scorer for Marcy was Antonio Brown - the difference a quarterback makes.

Lighties (86) def Forces (74) 

Bolo-Tie-Of-Power! 20.6 points! Bad news for the Lighties though, Jamaal Charles is the latest victim to tearing his ACL and is gone for the year. Bell, Hopkins and Palmer all did their best for their General.

Doof (103) v Zim (98)

The Red Rocket nailed it both for his team, the Bengals, and for me this week with a healthy 27 points. Forsett with 23 was well received, too. Look at those numbers for the Patriot players, 25 + 7 + 18 + 15 = 65. My god the Patriots are good this year - and are so fun to watch, too. Zim picked up some players on Bye's for this week, so they couldn't start. But I think Lynch back for the 'hawks and Ginn starting with the Panthers sets her up for a good Week 6 and beyond.

Week 5 - delays

Weekly wash-up soon
Disruptive week delays my wit
Tomorrow fo' sure

Week 5: match-ups

Has this week just flown by or what? Can't believe it's already Friday morning; time for the column and almost kick-off time. I think Duncan is covering my actual work, so we're good for now (so much easier than having to keep pressing Y).

BB (118) v Breesus (112)

Battle of the titans here with the 3-1 Breesus looking to trim the 4-0 BB. The Brees-less experiment is over, at least for now, with Drew safely back from his injury (we hope). It's Atlanta v Washington and Patriots v Cowboys this week, which should see huuuuuge scores coming for BB from Jones, Freeman and the Gronk. Breesus welcomes Antonio Gates for his first game of the season, but many of his match-ups are against strong D's. Could be tough claiming the Gardener this week.

Agent P (55) v Farnsworth's (87)

Agent P is yet to account for her player's Bye's, so we expect that projection to change dramatically. She will need to head to Free Agency for a new QB though, as Newton is Bye's and Luck won't be playing today. A new D is also needed. The Farn's are the hot ticket at the moment and will be hoping some of those RBs can get some good game time and post scores much better than their low projections. But the loss of AP to the bye is a difficult one to recover from.

Marcy (112) v Endless (109)

Both teams have a player with a bye at this stage but still both teams match-up well on paper. Rogers v Wilson, Gore v Lacey, Eifert v Donnell. Endless will need to hit Free Agency to find a new WR to replace the Bye'd Landry as her spare Jackson is unlikely to be playing this week. Similarly, Marcy's Kicker needs will need to be fixed at Free Agency with back-up Parkey done for the season.

Forces (107) v Lighties (114)

The Lighties have flicked the switch and put the Bolo-Tie-Of-Power back in charge of the offence, sending Kaep to the bench. Will the lights stay on, or the QB carousel continue? Who thought that Carson Palmer would be the preferred QB over Manning this year? But it's true, and the General is riding his charge nicely. Another fresh face in Bryant makes his first start of the year, returning from suspension, for the General. Will Mike Vick find him on the field? Or will Mr Glass be too busy being sacked? Will Bell run rampant given last weeks debarkle? The Lighties have replaced the injured McCoy with the dazzling Sproles - a fine replacement against a leaky Nawlins defence (on paper). What a world when James Jones can't get a start, but with Sanders, Allen and Green, who would you drop?

Doof (103) v Zim (90)

Red Rocket

Zim hasn't set her Week 5 line-up yet, the Patriots players are still benched. Look to see the projection change when they all become active. Lynch is still the dark horse with his injury concern, but Lewis and Hillman can probably get the job done this week. And despite him being my opponent this week, please dark lord Cthulu let Jimmy Graham have a big game this week. We miss him. I was stuck between Dalton v Seahawks and Stafford v Arizona. Blergh! Roll with the hot-hand, the Red-Rocket has been fine all year. But the Seahawks, my God, so stifling in their D. IIRC, 3 points given up in two games! Not sure how Murray ended up back in my active list - him or Forsett?




I was reading the tweet timeline from @dick_nixon this morning, my God I think his phrasing has influenced some of my writing.

Doofin' around - Sittsburgh Pteelers edition

GM Doof

Head Coach Doof

I'm going to take off my Head Coaching lab coat and put on my General Manager trenchcoat.

In the NFL the GM is the guy (always a guy, obviously) that is responsible for hiring, firing and paying players. Let's see how well GM Doof did in this weeks edition of Doofin' around.

Doofin' around - Week 4

Six weeks ago...
GM Doof - General Manager of the Sittsburg Pteelers:
Ok, it's late in the pre-season and we've got a stand-out QB that is big, tough and has a gun for an arm. We've built our offence around him, it's his show. We're awesome. I'm awesome. The offence is awesome.

Admin Dan:
What if he gets injured, who will replace him?

GM Doof :
First, it's impossible that he'll get injured. Literally impossible. I know he previously had ankle and leg issues that kept him out of games, but this year he'll be fine. Second, well there isn't a second, we built our offence around him.

Admin Dan:
Hypothetically...

GM Doof :
Oh a game, this is fun. Hypothetically, if Ren Boethlisberger was injured... OMG we'd need a replacement QB!

Admin Dan:
And that would be...

GM Doof :
Hmmm, Ren is big and tough and we built our offence for that. *scans free agents* BINGO! Vichael Mick - he's available.

Admin Dan:
But Mick is an older, small, agile player - he can't stand on the field and shrug off the defensive players like Ren can. And his arm isn't that big or fast, he can't find the speedy receivers we have. Like Bntonio Arown. Plus he's terribly prone to injury. The last two teams he played for broke him every which way. He even played with broken ribs for the Peagles.

GM Doof :
Small and agile you say? Already had broken ribs? Once you've had that you're immune, right? Why he'll fit in perfectly to the offence we built for big, tough, completely immobile Ren.

Admin Dan:
But Mick has never played in an offence like this. Never. In 15 years never. Like, NEVER.

GM Doof:
*blank stare, checks his watch*

Admin Dan:
*exasperated* Why don't we find someone built like Ren? Someone big and tough, that has a strong arm. That won't shatter like Mr Glass. Someone that when he gets knocked down gets back up again. In one piece, not many.

GM Doof :
Ahuh. Ahuh. I see. I love that song *hums* I think I hear what you're saying Admin Dan, and I agree. Let's bring Mick in for a trial, then sign him straight up.

Five days ago...

Commentator:
Vichael Mick, who replaces Ren Boethlisberger, has never played in an offence like this and he is getting beat up, can't find a target and OMG the Pteelers have now lost the game they were in complete control of. Why would you hire a QB like Mick to run this offence? It makes no sense. And now the Pteelers are looking shaky.

Week 4: Award

A new award recipient this week - it's nice to not have Agent P showing up again. I mean, obviously she is great company, but it was becoming awkward handing out another MA. But it was close, Agent P was almost invited to the Hypno Award, but was pipped by a measely 0.9. So close.

Hypnotoad Award

The Hypnotoad Award recognises outstanding achievement in scoring


BB takes the Hypno for the second time this season: 104.88 points. Davonte Freeman had a day out - 32.9 points in a big win for the Falcons over the Texans. If I recall, it was 35-0 at half-time. And that without relying on either Jones and White, also on BB's team. But solid games from Manning, Murray, Ingram and Hauschka tipped him over the line.

Also congrats to BB for starting the season with an outstanding 4-0 record and now sitting a game clear in the standings. Great job!

But if you're like me, and I know you are, you're all a little sick of seeing BB sitting at the top, all smug, looking down on the rest of us. The hawkish expression, a small mouse, dead in his talons (maybe this analogy is going too far). So I am pleased to announce that with the 4th win in a row BB has now activated The Gardener award. Whoever can trim our first tall-poppy of the season down to size will take home the most coveted award we have to offer. The first team to challenge: Breesus.

Mission Accomplished

The Mission Accomplished Award recognises outstanding achievement in walking away early and not finishing it off

In the same match-up, the MA is awarded to Endless for leaving 75 points on the bench. I confess, with the players she has I would have set the same starting line-up. Endless, like Zim, Agent P and myself, is not suffering from a lack of talent or play-making ability - just the lack of actual scoring. As Belichek would say to his players: Do Your Job. A very infuriating way to start the season.

Week 4: Wash-up

There is a lot to talk about this week but first I want to intro a new column I'm tinkering with called Doofin' around. I'll post it a little later today and it will look into some of the conversations that Doof the General Manager has with his long suffering admin, Admin Dan. I don't know how these private conversations were leaked, but I can assure you that the song in the background was backing music only, and certainly not pre-recorded vocals. We don't do that sort of thing here.

Go ahead, try.
I'll f' you up.
F'd up everyone else already.
I'm a damn hawk.
Learnt it all from Clarko, b'

On that note (music pun!), congrats to the General's Hawk's who proved they have ascended to a higher plane and should no longer be kept in the same pen as the rest of the AFL's chickens (especially the chicken-eagles). Let's be humane and let them be free to soar as they please. I'm thinking some sort of Harlem Globetrotters arrangement is the next obvious step. Hawthorn Hawks v Melbourne Nationals* - mid-week at the 'G, kids under-10 eat free. The AFL likes balance so we'll either have to banish a team or bring in a new one. Given the giant, sunny, demonic, saintly, blue, lion-y chickens we already have, maybe let's not dilute the 'competition' further. With so many candidates, who joins the Hawks in leaving the AFL?  So many to choose from.

Ok, on to the Wash-up:

Farnsworth's (84) def Zim (66)

A lazy 84 points this week for the Farn's but he still managed to get the W and posts the 3rd W in a row. Has the Farn's ever played so well? He was led, naturally, by the Kicker. Santos put up 25 which was all of the points the Chiefs posted in their loss. With one game to go Zim was down by 20 with 2 players to go. With both Lynch and Graham those two players you'd feel pretty comfortable - but 2014 this aint. Lynch didn't play and Graham may as well not have. The Seahawks were infuriating to watch again this week, so much wasted talent and Wilson looks like a season-ending injury waiting to happen. I hope the Seahawks trade Graham to the Ravens, as the Ravens need a receiver and the Seahawks don't know what to do with one of the best in the league.

BB (104) def Endless (74)

Julio Jones didn't see the ball this week and so BB fell in a heap... wait a minute, who the hell is D. Freeman? RB for the Falcon's - they have a RB that can post over 30? Wow! Just how good are the Falcons this year? They played Texas and the Texas D, active for Endless, posted -2. Minus 2. JJ Watt must be weeping at the crapness of his team-mates. Good for Jeremy Hill getting some points and looking sharp for the Bengals, who look sharp in general. Everyone else for Endless - lost in the wilderness. But why? Why no love Lacy? Cooks? Donnell? Come back to us, we miss you.

Agent P (103) def Lighties (88)

Solid win for Agent P who post their first W of the season against the Lighties. No stand-outs for the victor, but with six players over 10 points there were enough solid contributors to get the job done. The Lighties picked the wrong QB this week with Kaep falling in another heap and the Bolo-Tie-Of-Power returning to Rivers. With that one switch the Lighties would have stolen the game. 

The General (89) def Marcy (79)

A big game from Bell sunk Marcy and gave her the first L of the year. So many quiet games to so many players - only 16 points to Rogers and 4 points to Brown, who totally missed having Roethlisberger as QB. With the game on the line Michael Vick, Big Ben's replacement, threw a pass to Brown but the pass was off and the Steelers lost the game. Brown openly showed his disgust at the play. It's sure getting crowded at the 3-1 spot.

Breesusless King of the Sore Rotator Cuff (78) def Doof's Suckinators (73)

This wasn't forecast as the Game of the Week and it didn't even live up to those expectations. A dour affair puts Breesusless back on the winners side (3-1, of course) and Doof continues teh suck (1-3). The big Free Agent pick up for Breesusless, Carr, was a bust and Drew Brees did actually play, and play quite well, with 22 points. The NFL Recap said that in 6 games I have never beaten Breesus - wow. That's some multi-season streak.


*Billy Brownless (not his real name, for privacy I reversed his initials) suggested it be the Melbourne Strippers. He has been banished once and for all. And all Melbourne rejoiced.