BREESUS KING OF THE DREWS: WORLD CHAMPIONS

BREESUS KING OF THE DREWS ARE THE 2013 VPIII NFL WORLD CHAMPIONS

In the Championship Game between Breesus and the US Forces, the King of the Drews jumped out to an early lead and never looked threatened. Decker and Lacey did what they did all season, put up numbers. Meanwhile, the star-fueled Forces could not keep up. Maybe it was the monster win in the semi-final? Maybe it was stage fright? Or maybe Breesus was just too good on the day.

Heading into Monday Night Football, the General needed his defense to put up 30 points to steal the Game. That was always going to be difficult, but with the 49ers playing their final game at Candlestick Park anything was possible. Except this. They managed 11 points and Breesus celebrated in style. 

When asked what he was going to do next, the Head Coach replied, "I'm going to Disneyland, wooooooo!" He then ran out of the press conference wooping and hollering like a loon that has just been crowned World Champion.

The Head Coach of the US Forces, at his press conference, was half scowl and half pout and confirmed what he all thought: "We're going to start over, the military industrial state does not accept failure and we will own all yo' asses next season." Rumour is the US Forces board for next year will include Dick Cheney and leader of the Decepticons, Megatron (not to be confused with Calvin 'Megatron' Johnson, who is a good guy). 

In other matches over the weekend, Doofenshmirtz defeated Agent P for control of the entire tri-state area. Zim came from behind to defeat the Illuminators. And Endlessnessism defeated the Farnsworths, whose epithet seems only to apply to me. Grr!

The Final Countdown*

Twas the night before the Championship Game, when all through the League not a trade offer was blowing, not even for Megatron.

The teams are set, the coaches ready. There are mere hours until kick-off. The stage is well and truly set for a momentous game.

My booky advises that some large bets were placed on both teams in the last 24 hours, the largest being $500,000 on The General at 4-1. But my taxi driver said this morning that he has been hearing big things coming out of Breesus camp, especially on Drew Brees, QB. Apparently he is fired up and ready to go.

Good luck to both coaches!


*Admit it, you now have The Final Countdown in your head. And the Arrested Development fans are also seeing visions of Gobe dancing around. You're welcome.

Championship Game: Match-up

Fourteen regular season games are done, the semi's are done and it has all led to this week: the Championship Game.

Breesus King of the Drews (120) v US Forces (135)

Breesus finished top of the table, had an eight-game winning streak and defeated the game favourite Agent P in the semi-final. No one doubts that Breesus has earned the right to play for the Championship. Led by QB Drew Brees and rookie RB Eddie Lacey this is a solid team and that put up solid points all season. The late season risk of playing three Broncos in the semi nearly tripped Breesus up, but his other players were able to rally. The wily coach has learned his lesson and will start only two Broncos in the Championship game, distributing the risk of another Manning meltdown. Waiver-wire pickup Michael Crabtree is a good sleeper to have in the backpocket, maybe replacing Edelman who against the Ravens is a risky starter.

The General also had a fine season, finishing in second place with an impressive 10-4 record. The General had a blowout victory in his semi-final, posting the season's highest score of 177 and winning by a lazy 73 points. With a team full of super-stars the General has had some big wins, and also some narrow wins, such is the risk of superstars. The Forces have placed their faith in QB Russel Wilson, who is not typically a big-points sort of guy, but he rarely lets you down. Charles and Bush are probably the best 1-2 RB combo you can have, as are Jackson and Bryant at WR. These four players are in the top-5 players of their positions, and all four truly toasted Doof last week with a combined 120 or so. The General's soft-spot is at TE, Bennett should provide solid support this week.

The last time these two teams met, back in Week 10, the Forces ended Breesus 8-game streak in a 98-76 smackdown. In their first matchup, all the way back in Week 2, the Forces also dealt some serious pain with a 105-69 win. Of Breesus three losses on the season, two came from the General. The General has the mental advantage, but Breesus King of the Drews is looking for atonement (religious joke!).

Breesus will be finished on Monday afternoon and possibly have a nervous 24-wait as the General's defense does not take the field until Tuesday lunchtime, in the final game the 49er will play at Candlestick park. The 49ers move to a new $1.2bn stadium next season and so will be looking for a monster game for farewell their beloved stadium.

Other games:

In the fight for third place, and in a battle for the entire tri-state area, Agent P and Doof's Playinators face off. This game would have been massive had it been for the Championship, as both Agent P and Dr Doofinschmirtz are real-life nemeses. The challenge for third place is less important, but the game will still be big for both coaches, with significant bragging rights up for stake. Also, I will be printing and mailing this column to the coach of Agent P as in the country her internet access is 'flaky'. *snigger* *taunt*

For fifth place, it is the Illuminators vs Zim. It should be formally noted the Lighties had a big win over the Farnsworth's last week, their third victory over the heartbreakers for the season.

For seventh place, Farnsworths v Endlessnessism. Again, little but bragging right up for stake, but them;s pretty important.

Semi Finals: Washup*

Congratulations to the two winners of the Semi Finals: Breesus King of the Drews and US Forces.

These two teams will now face off in the Championship Game and compete for the coveted Pepperstein Trophy (it looks remarkably like the Lombardi Trophy, but without all the fancy metal and financial value).

These winners mean that the two losers runners-up are Agent P and Doof's Playinators. These two will face off for third place this weekend.

Breesus won in a fairly close affair against Agent P - 114-99.

When Agent P needed her two killer wide-receivers to come out and play they both put up modest numbers, 13 and 12, and Mendenhall posted the highest score in the team, 19. Jimmy Graham continued his poor performances of recent weeks and Woodhead had a surprisingly poor game. The killer is Tony Romo, posting sub-20 for the QB slot. Historically Romo is a good player in October, a monster in November and a total loss in December, with a 25% win ratio. Agent P's backup QB also did nothing, so she started the right loser. Adrian Petersen sitting out was tough.

Breesus must have been fairly panicked Friday afternoon, with his three Broncos players putting up 15 points between them in Thursday Night Football. But big games to Lacey, the Chiefs D, Edelman, and a decent game to Brees overshadowed the Broncos failings. Lacey's performance is probably the most significant: 23 points. This in a game where the Packers were down 26-3 at half-time, but stormed back to win 37-36, and really put the boot into the Cowboys. Lacey was instrumental in the Packers recovery and in securing a win over Agent P.

The General and his US Forces blitzkrieged all over Doof's Playinators: 177-104.

I'm so sick of seeing Bradley Tanks
storming across my front yard.
Enough already!

You read that right, a buck seventy seven. The biggest score of the season was posted by The General. Doof did not go quietly, putting up 104 points, enough to beat Agent P and all other teams this week, but who can resist such an onslaught? The General started his romp in Paris, enjoyed a night in Berlin, sacked Warsaw (naturally) and celebrated the domination by camping outside the gates of Moscow, feeling like a Boss.

Can The General of the US Forces be the first military commander in history to take Moscow? Or will Breesus King of the Drews and current mayor of Moscow (for the sake of my story) resist and once again defeat a European invader? Did The General pack enough warm clothes and boots? How is his baggage train?

How do you put up 177 points and conquer Europe? You start with Jamaal Charles, 51 points from 5 touchdowns and 190 yards receiving. BAM! Add 195 yards and a TD to DeSean Jackson. 153 yards and a TD to Beastly Dez Bryant. Four players, over 100 points. It's as simple as that.

I said last week it was a showdown between the high-flying super-stars of the Forces versus the every-day men of the Playinator's. For possibly the first time in history the team of stars has won, and won big. But did they peak a week early?

I watched the start of the Chiefs game. On the very first play Alex Smith dumped a short pass off to Jamaal Charles who ran for 50 yards and a TD. What felt like two plays later they ran the same play for a 40 yard TD. The Chiefs ended up with 56 points on the day, the most posted by an NFL team this year. 11-3 win-loss for the season after 2-14 last year. Amazing.

In other games, the Lighties beat down the Farnsworths and Zim stood up against Endless. It was interesting to hear Zim's kicker, Justin Tucker, speak after his game on Monday night. He kicked 6 field goals, the entirety of the Ravens score, including a monster 61 yarder to win the game. When interviewed, he said he did it for all the Fantasy Owners who started him in their teams. Awwww, so sweet! Well, Zim thinks so, his 22 points gave her the win!

*Liquid used for washing up this week: my tears.

Semi Finals

The Semi Finals are upon us, well, four of us. But before I get to this weeks match-ups, there is some unfinished business from Week 14.

Some scores have been updated and now Zim's Doomydooms are the winner in their match-up against the Doof's! So rather than losing by 0.08 points, Zim now won by 0.32 points!

This reverses Doof's climb into second place, Doof now finishes in third spot, and The General is in second.

Ok, on to the semi's:

[1] Breesus King of the Drews (131) v [4] Agent P (126)

Both teams had good wins, both teams have been winning all season. The projection is similar, the starters are similar. Anyone of the starters on both sides could tear open the game - Brees v Romo. Jeffery and Gordon for Agent P v Decker and Thomas. The Chiefs v the Panthers on Defense. And Agent P still has Adrian Petersen is reserve!

Breesus may have won the regular season and may have the edge in projection, but against the high scoring Agent P he feels like the under-dog. No doubt Agent P feels she is the under-dog.

Currently neither team has a player in the Monday night game, so by 2pm or so Monday afternoon we should have our first Championship contender.

[2] The General's US Forces (127) v [3] Doof's Playinators (125)

Two teams coming off very close losses last week which could easily have been wins, and in Doof's case, was a win for a few days before being overturned. Amusingly, its Wilson v Kaepernick in quarterback spot, two arch rivals in the NFL. On paper, The General has the big play makers: Charles, Bryant, Bush and Jackson. Doof has... well no one of that caliber. Murray has been solid for a couple of weeks, and Allen is playing well in his rookie season. Gore has been a disappointment for most of the season, and Pitta is starting his 2nd game of the season, replacing the injured Gronkowski who blew his ACL last week.

On paper, The General has the advantage, in practice, often consistency trumps big play makers. It's the NFL and its Fantasy - anything can happen.

Both sides have players in the Monday night game, so we won't know who goes to the Championship until around 2pm Tuesday. It's going to be a long weekend for The General and Dr Doofenschmirtz.

There are two other games this weekend:
Endless (85) v Zim (105)
Lighties (128) v Farnsworth (119)

The Maidens and Wooli are done for the season.

Week 14: Wash-up

My fellow coaches, Week 14 will go down as a wild weekend, both in this league and the NFL. Close games, blow-outs, massive points, thrills, disappointments - it had everything.

There was 852 points scored in the NFL this week, the most in any week ever. This despite the temperatures being below zero in many games. Monday Night Football was in Chicago, it was 7oF with a Feels Like temperature of -7oF. 7oF = -13oC. Brrr! In Philly on Sunday afternoon the ground had up to 6 inches of snow in places. And yet, the Bears put up over 40 points in Chicago and Philly over 30. Huge efforts.

As usual the NFL has done a graet job in putting a photo essay together, highlighting some of the crazy weather. Check it out.

Speaking of huge effort: Endlessnessism put up nearly 150 points, and still sported a donut. IF ONLY Forte had started her score would be over 170. As it stands, 148 is the second highest of the season, just behind Agent P who broke the 150 mark. Needless, this game was a blowout, Wooli managing only 88. Although, 88 would have beaten both The General and the Lighties, so it's a respectable score. But not against 148. And to further point out, Endless's QB, McCown, put up 39 points, the most for the week, in -13o weather. Her RB, McCoy, 35 points in 6 inches of snow.

This blowout was matched by two insanely close games:
The Lighties beat The General by 0.7 points. Zero point seven. The General had two inactive starters, either could have won the game. The loss means The General falls to third place overall and will face off against second place Doof in the Semi-final.

If you thought 0.7 was close, Doof beat Zim by 0.08 points. Zero point zero eight. As Agent P said, how does even happen? And for Zim, happen twice? It's her second loss by less than 0.1 points. You look through the list of player stats and wonder, if only... if only Bobby Rainey had not scored -4 receiving yards. If only the TE had scored at all. If only Tony Gonzalez had started at TE. If only... The win to Doof and the loss to The General puts Doof in second place overall for the season.

The remaining two games were more traditional. Agent P had a solid win against the Farnsworths, with nothing particularly startling going on there. Agent P's win guaranteed fourth position and she will face off against the top ranked team in the semi-final. The Farnsworth's were unable to bring the heartbreak, despite Peyton Manning again putting on a clinic.

Finally, a huge congratulations to Breesus King of the Drews for winning the final game of the regular season and finishing in top spot. Some excellent numbers from the Maidens made the game look close, but its almost impossible to win when you have two inactive starters, the Maidens number one problem all season. Breesus, led again by his namesake, takes the game and the regular season.

This brings to a close the regular season.

In Week 15 the playoffs begin for the top 4 teams: Breesus King of the Drews, Doof's Playinators, US Forces and Agent P. For the remaining six teams there are two weeks of consolation games, so the season is not over for those still enjoying the weekly challenge. And there is the playoffs challenge coming up in January, too.

For those checking out now, or checked out some weeks ago, thank you for playing. I hope you enjoyed the sport, the challenge, the wins and losses, and if you're reading this, I hope you enjoyed reading the blog.

For those continuing on, including the four play-off contenders: the last two weeks will be fun!

Award Ceremony

Regular Season Champion

Breesus King of the Drews - 11 wins, 3 losses including an 8-game winning streak, and 1,400 points on the season..

Highest Scoring Team for the Regular Season

Agent P posted 1,500.3 points this season, nearly 100 more than The General and Breesus, and nearly 500 more points than the Maidens who finished last.

Hypnotoad Award

The Hypno goes to Endless for a massive 148 points.

Mission Accomplished Award

The Farnsworths take the MA Award for leaving 67 points on the bench and losing.

Black Flag Award

Congratulations to Endless for beating the projection by 32 points.

Most Satisfying Player Award

Endless sweeps the awards and take the Most Satisfying Player for starting Josh McCown, who scored the highest points for the week.

Week 14: Match-ups

My fellow coaches, this is Week 14, the final week of the regular season. After this week the top four teams will go on to the playoffs - as it stands now this will be The General, Breesus, Doof and Agent P. It is possible that the Lighties can take Agent P's spot but I think it is unlikely. For everyone else, this will be your last week of Fantasy Football for 2013.

I have invited you all to play the Playoff Challenge, this is a slightly modified game where you pick the player you think will do the best in each position, and everyone can pick any player. There is no player ownership. As it is the playoffs there is a smaller player-pool to select from. If a player you start wins and you play him in the following week he will get a multiplier. That is, you, and 3 others, start Megatron in your WR slot for Playoff Week 1. The Lions win and you decide to start Megatron in Week 2. His points are doubled. In Week 3 they are tripled, and quadrupled in the Super Bowl. The game starts on December 29 - I hope to see you all there.

Agent P (121) v Farnsworths (115)

A win to Agent P seals the deal and she is through to the play-offs. A horrifying loss and a monumental win to the Lighties and anything is possible. Both coaches have good starting teams, demonstrated with big wins last week. The projection is close, the teams are close, and close enough with score a playoff berth. For the Farnsworths a loss here would typical his season of ups and downs, never enough momentum to get going. A monster win will typify his epithet of Heartbreaker.

The General (121) v Lighties (141)

It's sudden death for the Lighties, a win keeps it close, a loss and they are done and dusted for the year. A large projected victory should give them some hope, but The General has been punishing his enemies for weeks now, is on a 4-game winning streak and is looking to finish atop the table and take home the Minor Premiership.

Maidens (66) v Breesus (121)

Also looking for a big win to finish in first or second place is Breesus, who finishes off the regular season with what should be a comfortable game at home against the Maidens. The Maidens have been a coach in absentia for much of this season, and Breesus will be hoping for that trend to continue into the final round. It won't make much difference in this game, but for his beloved Drew Brees, Breesus will be hoping that he can put up big numbers against the Panthers if the Saints want to compete in January.

Wooli (92) v Endless (116)

Endless will be looking to end the season on a high note and post two wins in a row against Wooli this week. It has not been a kind season to either team who have both inhabited the lower regions of the table. Both teams are fielding a decent squad on paper, unfortunately it is too late to count for the playoffs, but bragging rights are always good.

Doof (118) v Zim (115)

A roaring start to the season looked positive for Zim, as did her amazing on-paper team. But her gun players failed whenever they were started, and the quarterback roller coaster has only just stopped. Doof's 8-game winning streak ended last week against Breesus, a loss here and a win to Agent P could see Doof slip into 4th place, but cannot be over-taken by the Lighties.

Week 13: Wash-up

Life is never dull in the fantasy leagues. Full of joy, surprises, frustration, intense anger... but it's never dull.

Let's start with Agent P's score for the weekend. 156 points. Are you kidding me? A buck fiddy sx. And while her QB and TE both had pretty poor games by their standards. Take Alshon Jeffrey and Josh Gordon, throw in a little Adrian Petersen and you have 3 players with over 200 yards on the day. That's two 200 games for Gordon in a row, the first time in NFL history. Sprinkle into that the Panthers defense, I think Romo and Jimmy Graham can have the weekend off. That was seriously some Lights Out football. In the tussle for fourth place, Agent P staked her claim.

That scoreline casts a long shadow, which is unfortunate as The General continued his winning way in style with a 120-85 win over Wooli. That is now four wins in a row and keeps him in top spot. The General's QB put on a show in Monday Night Football, humbling the Saints and QB Drew Brees. In the QB match-up, Wooli's QB continued his run with 27 points and the Panthers have won 8 games straight.

The Farnsworth's bounced back and beat down Zim. Her QB situation has been getting better, if only the TE spot was sorted out. A last minute change to Walker instead of ongoing pain-in-the-ass Gonzalez did not help (to which I take some blame for pointing out Gonzalez may not play on the weekend. Sorry). The Farnsworth's were led again by Peyton Manning who threw another 5 TDs and 400 yards in a game. We'll get to the main recipient of those TDs and yards soon, if my heart can stand the strain. Manning is over 40 TDs for the season, beating his previous record and the Broncos record, and has 4 games left to beat the all time leader, Tom Brady, who has 51 or something like that.

Endless finally stopped her run of L's by beating back the Maidens in a low scoring affair. McCown did well in the QB spot, supported by Forte and McCoy. Good to see a pair of running backs get some decent numbers. The Maidens were let down by everyone except the Seahawks defense, the Legion of Boom really owned the Saints. Surprisingly, QB Luck has had a few bad games, he'll need to improve as the Colts look to the post-season.

Finally, Breesus won. Or whatever. I don't know. His QB sucked, which was great!, but a certain WR called Eric Decker caught 4 TDs for nearly 200 yards from Manning. Boooooo! 41 points, boooooo! Also, Green Bay Packers, what the shit? Flynn, negative points. Boykin, 0. Boooo! The Packers had something like 60 yards total at three-quarter time against the Lions. I am now officially on the Lions bandwagon and am riding them in the postseason. I can't wait for my Calvin Johnson jersey to arrive.

And yeah, Breesus claims the prestigious The Gardener Award for totally cheating trampling over Doof.

Award Ceremony

The Gardener

Breesus trampled all over Doof this week, ending an eight game run. Led by Eric Decker with 41 points and... well that was it, it was all Decker. In fairness, the Manning-Decker combo was pretty amazing to watch. The gamble in starting Decker played off big time, while Doofs' gamble of starting Flynn and Boykin led to massive failures. I blame the Farnsworths. Faaaaarnsworth's *shake fist*.

Hypnotoad Award

Agent P claims ANOTHER Hypno with a huge 156 points.

Mission Accomplished Award

Week 13 MA goes to Zim with 66 points on the bench. Her spare QBs both did well, but all three QBs put up about the same so it didnt really matter who she started.

Black Flag Award

Agent P scores another, this time for beating the projection by 50 points. Wow!

Most Satisfying Player

Breesus, for Decker's 41 points, or whatever. Booo

Agent D, the duck with a truckload of luck

Thank you for your help Good Luck Duck (aka Agent D). Agent P brought the pain, and the lighties ran from their shadows! Farnsworths are on notice....

Agent D cuts an inspiring figure.