Two Time World Champion: Breesus King of the Drews

Buddy Breesus*

With two score cards that neither coach will be happy with, Breesus King of the Drews held on long enough to beat Zim's Doomydooms by 10 points, win the 2014 VP3 Championship Game and become the two-time VP3 World Champion. I can hear Queen pounding out the victory song, the streamers in the air, the happy coach accepting the trophy. This is the pinnacle of fantasy sports.

Congratulations from all of us at VP3.

I won't dissect the game except to say that a long conversation was held Sunday night regarding playing either the Bills or Seahawks defence, and Zim picked the Bills. Play the 'Hawks and the game goes the other way. Or would it?

If Zim had played the Seahawks maybe they would have sucked and the Cardinals beaten them. Maybe Zim's loss has propelled the Seattle Seahawks into the Playoffs. If that is true, has Breesus victory come at the price of the New Orleans Saints losing out and missing the Playoffs? Is the Saints losing season all Breesus fault through some crazy fantasy-butterfly effect? In the opinion of this humble scribe - it is.

In other games, Agent P was able to turn the tables on last years game and beat Doof. Agent P (re)claims third spot and Doof sits at four. The Lighties claim the win over the General (who will be glad to see the end of the 2014 season), and Bradylessbrothers had a solid win over Endless.




* Given Drew Brees terrible performance on the weekend and the Saints not even making the play-offs it felt wrong using Brees to celebrate this year. Instead, Buddy Christ!

2014 Championship Game: match-up

Here we are, after fifteen short and long weeks of ups and downs, this is moment ten coaches started playing for and only two get to enjoy:

Breesus King of the Drews (131) vs Zim's Doomydooms (132)

Look at those projections!

We know the story, a looong winning streak by Breesus that was stopped by Zim, handing him his first loss of the season and one of only two all year. Zim topped most points for the season, over Breesus, by a handful of points. Zim lost a couple of games more than Breesus, but still won a couple more than Agent P for outright second place.

It's Murrary v Lynch. Nelson v Beckham. Tate v Cobb. Gronk v Olsen. Maclin v Edelamn. The match-ups are ideal. Breesus has the clear advantage at QB, though, with perennial star Drew Brees. But Zim has stuck with Alex Smith all year and he has turned out solid performances. On average, Brees will put up 20 and Smith 15. Is this the key match-up?

Lynch is playing the Cardinal defence, no easy points. The rest of Zim's player amtch-ups look favourable, Gronk v Jets, Tate v Bears, Ingram v Falcons, Maclin v Redskins.

For Breesus, Brees v Falcons is good, so is Cobb v Bucs and Edelman v Jets. But Murrary v Colts is tough, add to that a broken hand, Mason v Rams and Beckhman v Rams are all tough assignments.

Love the match-ups, love that its the two most consistent teams all year facing off, can't wait to see how it plays out... can't believe Road to the Championship (tm) ended a week short...

Other games

Agent P and Doof face off for outright third place - same as they did a year ago. Doof took that game, maybe it's Agent P's turn? Not if my platypus trap has anything to do with it!

The General looks to finish with a win against the Lighties and take office bragging rights.

Endless and BB throw down in the final game. Both teams had ups and downs all year and both ended strongly.

A final check on how our infamous QBs have performed this year:

Luck: 336 (kept the General going but couldn't do it alone)
Rodgers: 314 (kept Doof going)
Manning: 291 (slowed down a lot in the last 3 games and killed the Lighties)
Wilson 282 (bench points for Doof)
Brees: 282 (always solid)
Roethlisberger: 276
Brady: 263 (bench points for the Lighties)
Tannehill: 236 (QB carousel for Marcy)
Rivers: 235 (up and down for Agent P led to a lack of trust)
Romo: 220
Newton: 206 (QB carousel for Marcy)
Smith: 206 (Zim shows that a top tier QB isn't the be all to end all... if you have two top tier RBs, TE, kicker and defence)
Kaepernick: 200 (hard to believe he scored less than Smith, Flacco and Eli)

Semi-Finals: Wash-up

Just when you think you have a handle on things Week 15 happens and completely blows your mind. The Cowboys trump the Eagles, the Seahawks dominate the 49ers, the Cardinals, playing with a million injuries, kill the Rams, Johhny Footbal is FAIL (ok, everyone that isn't  journalist predicted that one), the Packers play their worst game forever... on and on. So bizarre. Which of course leads to...

Breesus King of the Drews (116) def Doof's Playinators (61)

Difficult to write this one up this week, but not as hard as three weeks ago when my team actually played well. This week Breesus did well, I just sucked. Sucked so hard. This may be the suckiest team that ever sucked. It started at the top, Rodgers played his worst game for years. And no one else bothered either. What a mess. Thanks to the ever helpful Fantasy Recap that says Breesus has now beaten me 3-0 this season and 5-0 in two seasons. And also that I was 'clobbered', 'pulverised', and that I was 'sent home quickly' from the play-offs. The Recap can really kick you when you're down.

Beckham, kicking ass and chewing bubble gum

For Breesus, Drew Brees played well on the road again, 27 points against the Bears. Murray again had a great game (and is so great to watch) and Odell Beckham continues to press for Rookie of the Year. Murray did break his hand and after surgery on Monday is questionable for the Championship. Can Breesus win without Murray?


Breesus goes on to defend his 2013 Championship, and with his record to date it is had to argue that he does not belong in the Championship game.  Two losses, one to Zim and the other to BB. And his opponent will be...

Zim's Doomydooms (111) def Agent P (74)

Zim wins and heads to the Championship game. One versus Two. Could it be better? (Sure, if your name isn't Breesus or Zim!).

Agent P tried to compete for suckiest team but lost that to me. Demarius Thomas managed to put up 18 and everyone else... what the hell happened this week? Julio Jones was pulled out with injury, what was Rivers excuse (this week)? McCoy and Blount? Hilton? Anyone?

GRONK!

On the other side, Zim's score sheet looks so similar to Breesus's. Solid performers all round with, surprisingly, Alex Smith topping the scoring with 21. Lynch and Ingram can have quiet days and still go for 26 between them, double the score of both Agent P's and my quiet-day-RBs. Crazy.

In more crazy news, Agent P and Doof will face off next week in the Consolation final, a redux from last year. In 2013 I won that game and Breesus won the Championship. Anyone willing to pick a winner for 2014?

BB (74) def Lighties (73)

Close game here with BB narrowly taking the points. The Lighties highest scorer, by a lot, was the defence. For BB, the Texans D was just pipped for most points by QB Roethlisberger who put up 14.

Endless (102) def US Forces (47)

Maybe the General takes the dubious honour of suckiest team of this week with 47 points with the Dolphins defense scoring minus 2 and Luck scoring a measly 15 (which is good if you aren't Andrew Luck). Endless, meanwhile, had another great late-season game with Bell and Bryant leading the way.

Semi finals: Match-ups

Finals time for the top-4 teams who fight for entry to the Championship game, and bragging rights for the next four who will jostle for final positions.

1 v 4 - Breesus (135) v Doof (119)

Both teams are relatively unchanged from last weeks game, Breesus swapping the defence and Doof swapping Marshall who is out for the year with injury. In fact, there is little change from the teams that faced off only two weeks ago, with the Colts defence moving from Breesus to Doof and the change at WR spot.

With both teams sporting players that have been performing consistently well it is hard to identify a key match-up. Similarly, both teams have diversified away from starting too many players from the one team. From what I can tell Breeses and Doof were also the only teams this year to try a double-TE combination and each team only tried it once. Despite the discussion of the Year of the TE it really did not turn out like that.

With flagship QB Drew Brees not scheduled to play until the Monday Night Football game we won't know the winner of this match-up until Tuesday afternoon.

2 v 3 - Zim (129) v Agent P (131)

Gronkowski being tackled by a kitten

Projected neck and neck, this one also won't be finalised until Tuesday afternoon with RB Ingram playing in the MNF game for Zim. Agent P has had a difficult second half of the season with a 4-game losing streak and then 2-wins to finish the season and claim 3rd place. This stems from her star players that couldn't keep it together down the stretch: Rivers, McCoy, Thomas and Jones. At times all have had flashes of brilliance, at times they have all struggled.

Although Zim has had some similar issues, when Lynch struggled he posted 10 points, compared to McCoy's 3. And players like Gronkowski and Nelson haven't seems to struggle at all. Zim has averaged over 100 for the last 7-8 games.

Speaking of Gronkowski, check out ESPN's profile on him. And make sure to look at the photo gallery, it combines three of my favourite things: Gronkowski, Zoolander and kittens. Admit it, the photos are very Zoolander-y.

5 v 8 - Endless (112) v US Forces (95)

Andrew Luck couldn't carry the entire burden for the General this year but he did enough last week. A slow start by Endless has kept her out of the finals, but with Dez Bryant, LeVeon Bell, Jamaal Charles and DeAndre Hopkins she has one of the most potent offences in this league.

6 v 7 - Lighties (99) v BB (108)

Like the General, the Illuminator's over-reliance on Peyton Manning was their weakness this year, time and again Manning would provide amazing numbers and players like Crabtree and Gore would let the side down. For shame 49ers! A similar fate for BB with high-flying players often playing bit parts: Mike Evans, LaFell, Crowell - all good in their own right but not always utilised by their teams.

Week 14: Award Ceremony

CLAIMED: The Gardener

Doof cut Zim down to size this week, ending a 6-game winning streak and claiming The Gardener. 

Zim beat Doof in Week 40 odd points, had two losses and then went on a 6-game winning streak with wins of 20, 80, 50, 3, 25 and 60 points. That 80, that was Breesus! It took a season high 152 points to take down the rampaging alien with the weird looking head. 

Look for the two Gardner Awards (Breesus's award for last week) to be posted this week. 

Hypnotoad Award 

For scoring way more than any other coach

The Hypnotoad Award is named for the Hypnotoad, renowned for mesmerising his enemies and compelling them to do his bidding. 

Doof!

It's like all my Christmas's came early this week with a big win, the top score, the highest score of the season, the Gardener and a play-off spot.

Mission Accomplished

For leaving the most points on the bench in a losing side

The Mission Accomplished Award is named for the 2003 speech given by George W Bush announcing that the Iraq war was basically over and then sitting back and waiting for the kudos to come in. Instead of kudos, 11 years and now ISIS. 

Well, the MA award almost went to Breesus, can you believe that! An impressive 81 points on the bench. But no, Breesus got beat for the award

FARNSWORTH'S!

Sitting at the bar, feet up, chattin up the honey's and leaving 89 points on the bench.

The MA is a cruel, but funny, award. 55 points came from two QBs that Farns was stashing away. So it's not like all 89 points is translatable into actual points. But that isn't the point. 

Week 14: Wash-up

Week 14 was the final week of the regular season and we now have the Play-off games for the top four and non-play-off games for the next four. The last two teams are finished for the season: Marcy and Farns, thanks for playing!

Two teams were guaranteed play-off spots and five teams entered Week 14 needing to win to keep their play-off hopes alive. Wins to Agent P and the Illuminators would seal the fate for BB, Endless and Doof. The games are done, the results are in and we have our top four for 2014:

Number One - 

BREESUS KING OF THE DREWS (12-2)

A big congratulations to Breesus King of the Drews for finishing top of the standings. An outstanding 12-2 record, with losses only coming in the last four weeks, well after the top place was secured.

Number Two - 

ZIM'S DOOMYDOOMS (10-4)

Long wining streaks on the backs of solid performers week in and week out. Zim scored the most points of any team season, narrowly pipping Breesus by 2. At 1,466 she scored 470 points more than the last placed Farnsworths.

Number Three - 

AGENT P (8-6)

A rocky end to the season that could well have finished in misery (cf lluminators) but she held on, took the final W of the season and cleanly took third place.

Number Four - 

The Illuminator's lost and were unable to secure the fourth spot behind Agent P, dropping to 7-7. BB, Endless and Doof all won: all four teams at 7-7. In the 4-way split between the Lighties, Endless, BB and Doof's Playinators there was only one that could claim the spot...

Doof's Playinators (7-7)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ROAD TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP (tm) BABY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I have so many things I want to write and so many people to thank. I'd like to start by thanking The General for taking care of the Illuminators. I believe a copy of the CIA Torture Handbook was seen on The General's desk last week... no idea what that means or why I said that... Thanks to Peyton Manning for putting in a stinker... Thanks to Aaron Rodgers for an MVP performance... Thanks to Zim for tanking... WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BB (88) def Breesus (85)

HUGE upset victory for BB here, and the previous post by BB shows just what it means to bring down the Boss. Like so many other teams this week BB needed to win to keep his play-off hopes alive and he took on the Champ and took the W. BB had five players over 10 points compared to only three by Breesus, again showing the importance of a team of performers. We will all wonder what could have been had the Brady trade not happened, but BB can relax and plan in the off-season knowing he took down the big dog. Small consolation as the win did not also come with the play-off berth.

Agent P (105) def Farns (82)

Win and in for Agent P and she took care of business. A table of crazy scores, really, Rivers on 10, Jones a super 31, McCoy only 3, and the Lions 13. Crazy. But crazy enough to win and take third place. Agent P throws down with Zim in the play-offs. The Farns enjoyed a weekend at the Coaches lounge, getting to know some of the ladies and impressing the other barflys.

Endless (129) def Marcy (94)

Endless won five of the last eight games to give herself a shot at the play-off but fell a few points short in the end. A monster game by LeVeon Bell set up this win, 41 points to one of the best RBs in the game. Stafford and Charles putting up good numbers doesn't hurt. If only they had been consistent through the season. Marcy's fortunes again rose and fell on the backs of her QBs and TE. Tannehill was poor and so was Jimmy Graham. Graham had a very strange season, mirroring Marcy's.

The General (63) def The Lighties (51)

Two point seven two. That was Peyton Manning's score this week. 2 interceptions and no touchdowns - absolutely amazing. Two players over 10 points utterly sunk the Illuminators, sunk the game and sunk the play-offs. The General got by on the back of Luck, again. Luck threw a TD with 30 seconds left to win the game against the Browns, win the game against the Lighties and propel Doof into the play-offs. Luck is my new favourite player. And General, sir: I think I owe you a beer.

Doof (152) def Zim (106)

After going down to Breesus last week I thought my season was over. I was shocked, SHOCKED when I opened the app last night, clicked on Game Centre and it showed my Week 15 match-up against Breesus. OMG I MADE IT! I ran to tell Zim the bad-good-bad news: Sorry Zim you lost - I'm in the play-offs - I have to play Breesus. Crap - Breesus! Again! Still, seven players over 10 points and four over 20 - that will win a lot of games. Zim's 105 points with five players over 10 is enough to win most games, but this was not her week.

Week 14: Match-ups (this time for real)

Ok, little weird writing this up on a Sunday afternoon, but here goes.

Breesus (139) v BB (103)

Bradylessbrothers is playing to keep his pay-off hopes alive. An opening 28 to Murray versus an opening 20 to Romo is not the ideal start. A healthy Arian Foster would be nice for the ground game but that also isn't happening for BB, leaving the heavy lifting to Bernard and Smith. A hefty performance from the Texans D against the Jaguars Offense wouldn't go astray. But with Drew Brees starting to look good, Mason v 'Skins and Packers v Falcons this game does not bode well for BB.

Farnsworth's (71) v Agent P (122)

To date the Farnsworth's head coach remains firmly entrenched at the End of Season bar, patiently waiting for the End of Season to actually arrive. The QB is not starting, the two RBs are more back-ups these days and the TE hasn't started for four weeks. On the other side of the field, Agent P is playing to ensure a play-off date in Week 15. A solid score from the Kicker was a good start but the TE was not in the early game much. With Rivers, Blount, McCoy, Jones.. etc etc, unless Farnsworth does something miraculous, Agent P is heading to the post-season with an 8-6 record.

Endless (105) v Marcy (104)

Closely ranked game, Endless needs to win to have a shot but Marcy can make sure there is no chance of Endless going to the play-offs. In the early game, Marcy got the better start with her WR putting up 15 v Endless WR with only 8. A win to Endless will give her a 7-7 record on the season, a win to Marcy puts her at 6-8, a pretty good record after a terrible start to the season.

Lighties (107) v The General (95)

Like Agent P, the Illuminators are win and in, with their 7-6 record. At 5-8 the General can't make the play-offs but he can do some damage, which in the end is what the armed forces are all about. These two teams have both been really good at times this season, and poor at times. Which teams will show up? For the record, in the battle of the QBs, for the season, Luck is 297, Peyton is 276, Brady is 225 and Romo is 180.

Doof (116) v Zim (129)

A meaningless game for Zim that she should totally throw as this game means everything to me! Provided, of course, that the General beats the Lighties, Marcy beats Endless and Breesus beats BB. Come on universe! Twenty points between my Bears TE and WR was good for them (shows their poor season *sigh*), but Marshall being taken to hospital with broken ribs and a collapsed lung is awful for my next two games - who will replace him!? Oh, bad news for him too I guess. Zim's line-up of Ingram, Lynch, Maclin, Nelson and Gronk... I'm sure they'll all have down games. Totally!

Week 14: Match-ups (not just yet)

I got held up this morning with meetings and was unable to put together the match-ups before today's game started.

I'll do the write up either later tonight or sometime tomorrow, depending on how I feel after watching the Cowboys @ Bears game.

Week 13: Award ceremony

And now for Week 13's awards. As usual, the Hypno is an obvious one and the MA takes some digging. Also:

THE GARDENER HAS BEEN CLAIMED

Hypnotoad Award 

For scoring way more than any other coach

The Hypnotoad Award is named for the Hypnotoad, renowned for mesmerising his enemies and compelling them to do his bidding. 

Breesus!

A whopping 135 points in the win over Doof claims this weeks Hypno, the second of the year if I am not mistaken.

Stupid Drew Brees and Tre Mason led the team while cutting Doof down to size.

That's right, with this win Breesus also claims The Gardener award, for beating Doof who had a tidy 5-game winning streak going.

The Gardener award will be posted later on.

Mission Accomplished

For leaving the most points on the bench in a losing side

The Mission Accomplished Award is named for the 2003 speech given by George W Bush announcing that the Iraq war was basically over and then sitting back and waiting for the kudos to come in. Instead of kudos, 11 years and now ISIS. 

There was some stiff competition for the MA award this week with three teams leaving over 60 points on the bench. But there can be only one:

MARCY!

Eighty-five depressing points left in a 2-point loss.

For the record the other notables were Doof with 60 and BB with 75. 

Week 12: Awards

Let's take a quick walk back in time to those halcyon days of a week ago, Week 12. There were two awards not given out because someone was out celebrating too hard.

Hypnotoad Award 

For scoring way more than any other coach

The Hypnotoad Award is named for the Hypnotoad, renowned for mesmerising his enemies and compelling them to do his bidding. 

Marcy!

Marcy put up a very impressive 136 points and takes the Hypno in an upset win against Agent P. 

Mission Accomplished

For leaving the most points on the bench in a losing side

The Mission Accomplished Award is named for the 2003 speech given by George W Bush announcing that the Iraq war was basically over and then sitting back and waiting for the kudos to come in. Instead of kudos, 11 years and now ISIS. 

Illuminators!

The Lighties left an impressive 60 points on the bench in the loss to Zim.

Week 14: The road ahead

Next week, Week 14, is the final week of the regular season. How quickly it ends!

Right now, Breesus is assured of finishing in top spot, and well deserved. Zim will finish in second place.

The General, Marcy and Farnsworth are all out of play-off contention. But there is still some damage to be done in Week 14, and Fantasy games continue into Week 15 and 16 as the bottom 6 teams vie for final positions.

I'm not entirely sure how the play-off rankings are determined when teams have even records. But consider this, both the Illuminators and Agent P are sitting on 7-6, and BB, Endless and Doof are only one game behind them.

If Agent P and the Lighties lose, and BB, Endless and Doof win, five teams will have 7-7 records. But only two can proceed. Who gets in?

I have no idea!

If it is simply the Points For/Against ratio, then Endless and Doof should get it as their ratios are better, low 100s compared to low 90s.

But, it may be based on who beat who. For example, I'm 2-0 with the Lighties, 1-1 with Endless and 0-1 against the others. What does that mean?

I don't know!

I could probably look it up, but it's more exciting this way.

The bottom three teams all play contenders and can cause serious damage:

The Farnsworths could return from the bar, set an awesome line-up and beat Agent P, giving the others a chance. Similarly,  the Forces can take out the Lighties. Wouldn't that be something to discuss in the office, eh General?! Knocking the Illuminators out and letting, say, Endless in.

But Marcy can take out Endless, forcing her out of contention altogether.


As for BB and myself, we play Breesus and Zim respectively. Horror games, to be sure, but possibly the most meaningful games we will play all season.

Week 14 may well be the second most exciting week of the season, after the opener when everything was new, clean and hopeful.

Week 13: Wash-up

Back in the game this week after a great week off, check the scores Monday night: OMG NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

CURSE YOU BREESUS KING OF THE DREWS!

More on that later...

Pretty cool weekend of football, starting on Friday (our time) with the big Thanksgiving Day games. Three blow-away games, really, but as I was supporting the winners they were good to watch. And then there was the Big One: Patriots at Packers. Billed as the Superbowl preview it featured the two best teams at the moment. And the game did not disappoint. Great match up, great QBs, very entertaining to watch. And the Pack won. I do hope this is the Superbowl match-up come February.

Don't shoot, we're human!

If you missed the game in St Louis, well no one blames you. 52-0 blow out over the hapless Raider. But that wasn't what made headlines, it was five players who entered the field in the Don't Shoot pose, made (in)famous from the Ferguson protests not too far from the game. The Police Association went nuts afterwards in an amazing display on insensitive stupidity, among the nicer things demanding an apology from the NFL and Rams. Both have declined. Read about it here and here.

Zim (97) def Farnsworths (34)

Far from being a trap game for Zim, the Zim army marches on: six straight wins. I'd hate to be facing her next week [checks schedule: CRAP!]. No particular stand-outs, as I watched her players in the games I wondered how the scores would shake out. Lynch: meh, Ingram: meh, Gronk, Tate and Maclin: meh, meh, meh. Smith: wow, that was surprisingly high given the poor game by the Chiefs. But, well, the Farn's. I'm assuming the Head Coach has checked out early this year, getting to the bar early and waiting for fellow coaches Tom Coughlin and Rex Ryan to join him [NFL joke]. Good news for Agent P in Week 14, maybe?

Endless (100) def BB (53)

Big comeback win for Endless this week who keeps her play-offs hopes alive (see next post). And a big loss to BB who was failed heavily by his stars: Romo, Bernadr, Smith, Evans and Crowell. All previously good performers that picked an awful week to suck. On the other sid, DeAndre Hopkins had a great performance thanks to big Fitzy throwing 6TDs for Houston. Stafford finally put up some numbers, and Crosby was the beneficiary of the Patriots not giving up TDs and allowing field goals. If Endless wants to make the playoffs she will need to watch Ellington and Allen, who are both injured.

Agent P (109) def Lighties (71)

The Illuminators went into this game with the chance to jump Agent P and secure a playoff berth, didn't work out that way. Antonio Brown was rocking it, but was the only one out on the dance floor. Like one of those old iPod ads. Poor Brown. The platypus, though, three above-good players and three good players, enough to get the job done, stay even on points with the Lighties and one game ahead of Endless and Doof. I was not crazy about Rivers doing well, boooooo. I was crazy happy to see McCoy gashing the Cowboys: great spectacle.

US Forces (98) def Marcy (96)

OUCH! Two big WTFs go to Tannehill and Jimmy Graham on behalf of the Vampire Queen. Graham was not targeted ALL DAY and Drew Brees still threw 5 TDs (more to come on that). And Tannehill was trounced by the Jets defence in Monday Night Football. Booo! For the General, the one-two combination of Luck and Fleener won the day with 57 points combined. A solid kicking output from Sturgis really put the boot into poor Marcy.

Breesus King of the Drews (135) def Doof (124)

Drew Brees single handedly defeated both Marcy and Doof this week: 5TDs sunk me and no passes to Jimmy Graham sunk Marcy. I will once again quote the Fantasy Recap, which is an amazing piece of technology, but has an understated way of being very cruel:

This is the most a team has scored this season without getting a victory.

Ahuh. Rub it in why doncha.

If you happened to watch final minutes of the Patriots game you will have seen Tom Brady shouting a word that is most recognisable (see right), that was me on Monday night seeing this scoreline. A buck 24, no one can beat that! WHAAAAAA? Cold, bitter disappointment. The sort of feeling Marcy and BB feel after this week. Betrayal. Road to the Championship (tm): ruined. All because the friggin' Steelers can't play D and the Raiders can't play football. Tre Mason: 34 points with 3 TDs. YOU MONSTER!