Some of you might be wondering, ‘What caused the great and
illustrious Zim to falter this year?’ or ‘Why is Zim so amazing despite the
fantasy team ranking?’. Well, I am here
to break the silence.
As you would be aware my lead coach and talent scout, Ron “Anchorman”
Burgundy was recently declared blind. He
went through many stages of grief, including the classic blind-anchorman-stage of being in a glass case of
emotion.
This should not be confused
with his lack of knowledge of Julius Caesar (that was simply due to not being
an NBA fan). Mr Burgundy was so blind he shattered his teeth
attempting to eat a marble ashtray, thinking it was a savoury waffle. Yes, really.
He even drank a half a bottle of ketchup thinking it was a bottle of
1946 Châteauneuf-du- Pape (after he decanted it, obviously).
Now, all greats have backups and unfortunately the backup,
Doby, swam away after the fish-supplements scandal, resulting in Doby in
leaving the jurisdiction. However, Doby
has promised, with the aid of Baxter, to provide aid in Mr Burgundy’s
recover. I’ll not say more on that as it
is a matter for the swimming courts.
So, that is the explanation to which, anyone who tries to
criticise this humble team and its
struggles are clearly discriminatory, nasty
poo bags who seem to take pleasure that for Mr Burgundy every day begins about
the same with him waking up screaming in terror because of the blackness (indicating,
obviously, he is dead, something Doby was willing to assist him with).
Which leads me to the apology – I accept your apology
for beating this poor, blind coach’s team.
Stay classy.
Zim
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