But enough about Manning versus Brady...
Thursday, 30 October 2014
Week 9: Match-ups
At work this Friday so plenty of time to look over the Week 9 match-ups. Some stellar games of football this weekend, too: starting today is Panthers v Saints; Cowboys v Cardinals; Eagles v Texans; the always entertaining Steelers v Ravens; and everyone's favourite match-up Peyton Manning v Tom Brady. This game is so big it has its own video channel over at NFL Now, where you can relieve the greatest moments of these two titans squaring off over the last 14 years or whatever. Last years game was a doozy, with the Patriots clawing back from behind to win in over-time. But then in the one that really mattered, in post-season Manning well and truly dominated the Patriots on their way to the Superbowl. Both teams have had a good month and should be rolling for the game. If you can watch it, I recommend doing so.
But enough about Manning versus Brady...
But enough about Manning versus Brady...
Wednesday, 29 October 2014
Week 9: Planning
Week 9 and if you're like me you found half your starters out on the bye and had to scramble for replacements. Six teams with byes this week, so many good players relaxing, mooching, not helping us in our endeavours! And they get paid for this??
Start em or Sit em: QBs
A final thought: Yes, the raptors also have an amazing team logo which belongs in any non-serious-supporters teams-of-interest list. Why didn't it make the cut? I blame Jurassic Park for giving raptors a bad name, they are kind of like the spiders of the dinosaur world: soulless killing machines. And despite being the Queen of Doom, Zim was adamant that no raptor, raptor related product or product supporting raptors would be allowed in our house. Case closed. Go raptors [logo]!
.jpg)
Start em or Sit em: QBs
In case you're wondering (and I know you were): Yes, I am following the NBA this year. The season kicked off yesterday with three games but really takes off today with 12 games. It would be easy to throw down and support the Spurs this year, or maybe OKC. Maybe the Clippers in the post-racist-owner phase will get it together. Maybe King James can bring the glory back to the Cavs. But screw all that and their pending success. The key to picking a team when you know nothing or a little should be 90% based on the logo. It's how I picked the Hornets in the mid-90s and its how I picked the Hornet this year, as they return home to Charlotte. So for the 2014-15 NBA year: Go Hornets!
Fellow head coaches of the Illuminators and Farnsworth's have been subdued overwhelmed awe struck by my whining, charm winning arguments and will be following the NBA too, picking the Timberwolves and Celtics respectively. For now it's a peek at another sport and a chance to feel crushed or exhilarated in a mild way. Who knows, maybe it will build into NBA fantasy next year? No promises.
Anyone else with an NBA interest?
Tuesday, 28 October 2014
Week 8: Award Ceremony
And now everyone's favourite blog of the week, the awards.
The Hypnotoad Award is named for the Hypnotoad, renowned for mesmerising his enemies and compelling them to do his bidding.
Hypnotoad Award
For scoring way more than any other coach
The Hypnotoad Award is named for the Hypnotoad, renowned for mesmerising his enemies and compelling them to do his bidding.
ZIM!
With a poor QB performance and 3 players under 7 (including Lynch) Zim still managed to put up 128.74 points and nudge Breesus out of the way for this weeks Hypnotoad. Gronkowski was back baby with a big game for the Patriots, Ingram, Tate, Gostkowski and the Seahawks all did well. Too bad Maclin was benched this week in favour of Williams, but Williams was the more obvious pick going into the game.
Go Toads!
With a poor QB performance and 3 players under 7 (including Lynch) Zim still managed to put up 128.74 points and nudge Breesus out of the way for this weeks Hypnotoad. Gronkowski was back baby with a big game for the Patriots, Ingram, Tate, Gostkowski and the Seahawks all did well. Too bad Maclin was benched this week in favour of Williams, but Williams was the more obvious pick going into the game.
Go Toads!
Mission Accomplished
For leaving the most points on the bench in a losing side
The Mission Accomplished Award is named for the 2003 speech given by George W Bush announcing that the Iraq war was basically over and then sitting back and waiting for the kudos to come in. Instead of kudos, 11 years and now ISIS.
Endlessnessism!
Admit it, you all thought it was going to be Marcy, right. Marcy loss = MA Award. Well not this week. And if not Marcy then BB who left Roethlisberger's 44 points on the bench.
Nope, this was all Endless.
Endless left a whopping 80 points on the bench. Good one Charles (23), Cooks (21) and Dalton (20)! Jerks!
Admit it, you all thought it was going to be Marcy, right. Marcy loss = MA Award. Well not this week. And if not Marcy then BB who left Roethlisberger's 44 points on the bench.
Nope, this was all Endless.
Endless left a whopping 80 points on the bench. Good one Charles (23), Cooks (21) and Dalton (20)! Jerks!
Week 8: Wash-up
Firstly, my excuse for radio silence. I was not at work on Friday, when and where I would normally write the weekly Match-ups piece. As I was at home with my feet up (figuratively) the piece never made it. I could have shared publicly my thoughts from my Friday evening shindig (Nephews debutante ball), but I think both the Illuminators and Farnsworth's Head Coaches can attest that my running commentary, slowly degrading as the night when on, was not worth it, and why the hell were they dragged into it anyway? All of which brings us to the here and now, Week 8 is done and dusted and let's see how it went.
WHAT THE...??
.jpg)
Seven teams scored over 100 points! Roethlisberger threw 6TDs and over 500 yards! This following Brady's 5TDs and 350 yards! Antonio Brown! Arian Foster! The Gronk! The Dolphins Defence! The Chiefs Defence!
WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY!
Perhaps this game should not be the first to kick off the analysis. There were eight WHAMMY's up there, and none for this game. But there is still some love for the secret agent just getting over the line. Rivers had a rough night in Denver on Friday but still did well. But it was the General's QB, Luck, that really sunk the Forces, throwing 22 points to TY Hilton. If only Luck had thrown 1 less TD to Hilton then the General would be the one firing celebratory salutes into the air and posing with his fellow leaders. The General's defence also did its part in sinking his battleships, a big fat 0. Instead Perry gets to kick back and relax and thank his lucky stars his team did just enough. An economical win? Whatever, Agent P sits happily in second place.
I was pretty excited Monday morning: with two games left the Farnsworth's were 110 and Breesus a lowly 65. Was it possible? Could the Heartbreakers pull off the upset and claim The Gardener? Then came Brees (25), Murray (20) and Cobb (18); and the Farn's had already blown through his players. The result, Breesus wins his 8th straight. Look at that Dolphins D: 26! Like Endless, the Farn's fielded a solid team, good enough for the W in most weeks. Sanders put up 30, Watkins 21, kicker and defence 27... a good game. But Breesus: WHAMMY!
WHAT THE...??
Seven teams scored over 100 points! Roethlisberger threw 6TDs and over 500 yards! This following Brady's 5TDs and 350 yards! Antonio Brown! Arian Foster! The Gronk! The Dolphins Defence! The Chiefs Defence!WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY! WHAMMY!
Agent P (87) def The General (83)
Perhaps this game should not be the first to kick off the analysis. There were eight WHAMMY's up there, and none for this game. But there is still some love for the secret agent just getting over the line. Rivers had a rough night in Denver on Friday but still did well. But it was the General's QB, Luck, that really sunk the Forces, throwing 22 points to TY Hilton. If only Luck had thrown 1 less TD to Hilton then the General would be the one firing celebratory salutes into the air and posing with his fellow leaders. The General's defence also did its part in sinking his battleships, a big fat 0. Instead Perry gets to kick back and relax and thank his lucky stars his team did just enough. An economical win? Whatever, Agent P sits happily in second place. |
| The General and his advisor's, captured pre-game... somewhere weird |
Illuminators (116) def Bradyless Brothers (111)
So many WHAMMY's for this game but the biggest two are a little subdued as they go to bench warmers. Roethlisberger and Brady had monster games but did not directly contribute to fantasy this week in meaningful ways. Thankfully both teams had other WHAMMY's just waiting to happen: Manning and Brown for the Lighties and Foster for BB. LaFell and Bradshaw both tried hard but ultimately it was Romo who let BB down. Not all Romo's fault, his back gave way in the 3rd quarter. Could this be the injury the Cowboys were looking for to maintain an 8-8 season record? But I can't leave this game talking about Romo, especially when Manning is around. My god he is beautiful to watch. Just tore through the Chargers like a warm Peyton Manning knife through a hot buttered Chargers defence. Wonderful to watch a master at his craft.Zim (128) def Endless (109)
Look at Zim's monster output: Ingram (23), Gronk (32), Tate (21), kicker (15) and Seahawks (11). Sure, Smith had a bad fantasy day (although great onfield performance in reality), and Endless can offer a prayer of thanks that beastmode Lynch stayed home; but Zim didn't need em this week. (Anyone catch the Lions game with Tate? Wow! Down 21-0 at the half the Lion's, and Tate, crawled back into the game and won with a long field goal on the last play of the game.) Endless had a good game, 109 is a winning score most weeks. Stafford (19), Bell (14), Crosby and Chiefs 30 between them. Only Wallace had a poor game with 5. Some weeks its not the team its the opposition. (Adding Charles in the flex spot would've put Endless about 3 points behind instead of 20... just sayin)Breesus (128) def Farnsworths (110)
Doof (110) def Marcy (82)
This is the start of something beautiful my friends. Like a cat, when something good happens it's a trend that will continue forever unabated, that is my season now. 2-6 and ready for the play-offs. Four players above 15 points always helps, not sure what happened to the Bears and Marshall, rubbish day all round. Marcy's fate continues to rest on QBs, and this time Cam Newton let her down... again. 5 points, blergh. Floyd was injured in the 2nd quarter and didn't put up. Good to see Jimmy Graham and Eddie Lacey getting some points, and rookie kicker Parker has been good all year.Wednesday, 22 October 2014
Week 8: Planning
Week 8 is fast approaching and offers another tasty match-up on Thursday/Friday Night/Morning Football: Chargers @ Denver. Can't get enough of that Peyton Manning, Denaryius Thomas and Ronnie Hillman. On the other side, Rivers. On Sunday the NFL heads waaaay East as the Falcons and Lions play in London.
This week's byes are the 49ers and the Giants.
This week's byes are the 49ers and the Giants.
Tuesday, 21 October 2014
Week 7: Award Ceremony
Hypnotoad Award
For scoring way more than any other coach
The Hypnotoad Award is named for the Hypnotoad, renowned for mesmerising his enemies and compelling them to do his bidding.
The US Forces have strung two wins back-to-back and this week The General takes home the Hypnotoad Award for putting up the most points: 106. The General had a big win over Zim and must be thanking his gods he drafted Andrew Luck and Matt Forte: a solid backbone to build from.
Mission Accomplished
For leaving the most points on the bench in a losing side
The Mission Accomplished Award is named for the 2003 speech given by George W Bush announcing that the Iraq war was basically over and then sitting back and waiting for the kudos to come in. Instead of kudos, 11 years and now ISIS.
I thought for sure that I was taking home the MA Award, again, with a horrifying 69 points on the bench. But lo and behold I've been beaten. Again! I cant even win the loser award.
Congrats to the Illuminator's for leaving 71 points on the board!! You can blame Tom Brady for this award, I suggest off-loading his free-loading ass asap. You've got Peyton, stop hungassing Brady. There are plenty of QB-needy teams out there: the Farn's, Marcy.. actually that's about it. BB doesn't really need him back, per se, not with Romo on board. Although, the Cowboys are 6-1 and if they are to retain their perennial record of 8-8 have a bad second half of the season ahead of them.
Also, Ravens > 49ers, Superbowl XLVII taught us that!
Congrats to the Illuminator's for leaving 71 points on the board!! You can blame Tom Brady for this award, I suggest off-loading his free-loading ass asap. You've got Peyton, stop hungassing Brady. There are plenty of QB-needy teams out there: the Farn's, Marcy.. actually that's about it. BB doesn't really need him back, per se, not with Romo on board. Although, the Cowboys are 6-1 and if they are to retain their perennial record of 8-8 have a bad second half of the season ahead of them.
Also, Ravens > 49ers, Superbowl XLVII taught us that!
Wash-up: Week 7
We are half way through the season and there is some separation in the standings now. Obviously Breesus is way out in front with a huge 7-0 record. Agent P is two games behind on 5-2 and then the rest of the teams fall behind that: Zim, Lighties and Forces all 4-3, Endless and BB on 3-4, Farnsworth's, Marcy and Doof languishing behind at 2-5 (or worse). What will the next 7 games hold? We'll start looking at that in Friday's edition, for now, let's look at Week 7.
The big news coming out of Week 7 was Peyton Manning throwing his 509th touchdown pass, claiming the all-time record. The Bronco's had a stunning game, routing the 49ers and helping quite a few fantasy teams claim a win this week.
Too bad you can't have a team of Peyton Manning's, the Lighties would have scored 252 points. Instead Manning posted 28 of 62 points: 45%. And Manning's heroics cost the Lighties -2 points for the 49ers defence that just couldn't stop him. Also interesting, Manning sat out the fourth quarter. Breesus posted another week of fine performers, led by Drew Brees retuning from the bye. Maybe Drew should get together with Breesus and get some pointers on how to win, the Saints, an early Superbowl favourite, are 2-4 on the season. Cobb, Gates, Vinatieri, and stand-out RB Murray... who can bring this juggernaut down? Because someone needs to dammit.
A shout-out to one of my favourite rookies, Kelvin Benjamin, sitting on Breesus bench. Look at this guy! Look at him! Plays like a boss, too. Well, at time. Other time, total noob. But an adorable total noob.
The big news coming out of Week 7 was Peyton Manning throwing his 509th touchdown pass, claiming the all-time record. The Bronco's had a stunning game, routing the 49ers and helping quite a few fantasy teams claim a win this week.
Marcy (90) def BB (88)
A close one sees Marcy escape the bottom of the standings for another week and leave Doof in her dust. The first coach to offer thanks to the almighty Manning, Ronnie Hillman had a huge game putting up 22 points for Marcy and ensuring her second win of the season. BB had a real mixed bag, some fine performances from Romo, Suisham, Bradshaw and Foster, but stinkers from Bernard, LaFell and Julius Thomas - one of the few Bronco's to not score well. In typical fashion both coaches experience QB-stress, Eli Manning had a good game for Marcy's bench, and although BB chose well in starting Romo over Roethlisberger, must still be wondering about Tom Brady. Could we see Brady being traded back?The General (106) def Zim (83)
Putting the Bengals defence out to pasture was a good move for the General whose Packers put up +6 points, a welcome change. Forte had a great game in a losing team, while Andrew Luck had a average scoreline in an amazing shut-out win. Taking up the 'Sucktacular Defence' mantle was Zim, whose Seahawks lost a point - bizarre season for them. Tate helped the Lions sink the Saints late in the game and his contribution made Zim's score look healthy, too bad Lynch, Ingram and the Gronk didn't do their jobs. Zim will welcome back her QB starter Nick Foles next week.Breesus (105) def Lighties (62)
Too bad you can't have a team of Peyton Manning's, the Lighties would have scored 252 points. Instead Manning posted 28 of 62 points: 45%. And Manning's heroics cost the Lighties -2 points for the 49ers defence that just couldn't stop him. Also interesting, Manning sat out the fourth quarter. Breesus posted another week of fine performers, led by Drew Brees retuning from the bye. Maybe Drew should get together with Breesus and get some pointers on how to win, the Saints, an early Superbowl favourite, are 2-4 on the season. Cobb, Gates, Vinatieri, and stand-out RB Murray... who can bring this juggernaut down? Because someone needs to dammit.A shout-out to one of my favourite rookies, Kelvin Benjamin, sitting on Breesus bench. Look at this guy! Look at him! Plays like a boss, too. Well, at time. Other time, total noob. But an adorable total noob.
Endless (95) def Farnsworth's (65)
A big win to Endless, mostly thanks to studs LeVeon Bell and Dez Bryant and with a starting player on a bye just to rub salt in the wounds. Farnsworth's have dropped 4 straight and look to be competing with Doof. Don't try too hard, no draft bonuses if you come last! The Farnsworth's bench scored zero points, suggesting excellent coaching. But suggestions can disguise factoids: the Farn's needs to recruit heavily from the Waiver and Free Agency this week if he wants to break more hearts this season.Agent P (78) def Doof (72)
There are three standout players in this game, the most obvious is Demaryius Thomas, 29 points for Agent P. The other two are Russell Wilson, 37, and Shane Vereen, 23. Wilson and Vereen were the highest scoring QB and RB players for the week, both languishing on my bench. When your defence is the second highest scoring player with 10 points you know, just know, you have a problem. Congrats to Agent P for winning Grudge Match III: The Grudgening.Grudgening III: conclusion-inator edition
It was supposed to be all, POW-POW, BIFF, BAM, YAY DOOF!
Instead it was all:
HAHA: I have you now!
What? No, don't touch that, you'll ruin everything
Demaryius Thomas, no! Stop, for the love of god stop...
My lab, my beautiful lab.
Curse you Perry the Platypus
And now we can go back to being frenemies, until the next Grudge Match
Sincerely,
Heinz Doofenschmirtz
Coach, Doof's Playinator's (1-6)
We have all just witnessed a Demaryius miracle people, and with his epic game came VICTORY. Sweet unpredictable grudgening win
. And according to Perry's grudgening rules, the loser of Round III has to be a chair whilst the winner eats lunch! Obviously Agent P doesn't make Perry's rules, Agent P just enforces them. Mmmmmm, sandwich flavoured victory.
. And according to Perry's grudgening rules, the loser of Round III has to be a chair whilst the winner eats lunch! Obviously Agent P doesn't make Perry's rules, Agent P just enforces them. Mmmmmm, sandwich flavoured victory.
Thursday, 16 October 2014
Match-ups: Week 7
A lot on the line in Week 7, the Lighties looking to topple Breesus, who is looking to stay ahead of the pack. Marcy and Doof looking to actually win a game; BB, Farns and Endless trying to move on up. Plus Grudge Match III!
Marcy (113) v Bradylessbrothers (111)
Close game predicted here. Marcy has made some mandatory changes to account for players on bye's, meanwhile BB has kept his line-up relatively fixed. As usual the biggest question marks hang over the QB's, which ones will start and will they perform on the day. Romo is far more likely to put up a reasonable 17 points, Newton could do anything.The General (96) v Zim (90)
Moving on from the bizarre Bengals defence the General is going with the Packers D this week. The Packers D faces Cam Newton, and could either crush him into a fine powder, or get run all-over as Kaepernick has done to them the last 3 games the 49ers have played them. Can the Packers D stop the QB run??? Zim, like Marcy, is trying to account for her key players having the bye and will be hoping Alex Smith can dominate this week. Ring-in Terrance Williams, still sitting on Zim's bench, is one to look out for, exciting young WR for the 'Boys.Lighties (121) v Breesus (108)
The Illuminators will be summoning as much dark power as they can if they want to prune Breesus down to size and take home The Gardener award. I'm sure we will all be contributing dark thoughts to their spell. But with namesake Drew Brees back in the squad, Murray, Bush and Cobb... it's going to take a lot. So let's all spend a minute sending out contempt and jealousy for Breesus's mad skills towards the Lighties and wish them and their dark energy well.Endless (89) v Farnsworths (84)
Another game with starters that can be anything or nothing on the day: Stafford v Ryan, Bryant v Watkins, and the battle of ex-team mates, Wallace v Sanders. Endless needs to replace Sproles who is on a bye with Charles and may consider replacing Patterson with Hopkins. The Farnsworths may want to hit up Free Agency after this round to replenish their bench stocks.Grudge Match III - Doof (118) v Agent P (107)
We've all seen the ads on TV, subscribed to Main Event for exclusive coverage and have the posters up on our walls. Now it is time: Grudge Match III: The Grudgening. Doof has the early lead but we've all seen where that has gone for the last 5 weeks (*flush*) meanwhile Agent P has gone 114 and 140 in the last two weeks. As per Doof's notice, the winner has already been foretold and it is Doof's Playinators. 'Nuff said!Grudge Match III: The grudgening
And now, a message from Heinz Doofenschmirtz, coach Doof's Playinator's:
We met twice last year, you and I. And in both games you know what happened? Let me remind you through photos I took:
Week 7:
Week 16 (Battle for 3rd place):
And this is the photo I took at the end of this round:
Welcome to the Grudge, Perry the Platypus!
Sincerely,
Heinz Doofenshmirtz
Agent P has been accused of gloating after last Thursday's performance of TY Hilton (or velcro hands as Coach likes to call him, he caught everything!). At first the hatted hero was indignant, but then Agent P realised that heck yes, he was gloating. Now if Agent P can just improve his tight end (NOT a euphemism, this time) and recruit JJ Watt and everything will be coming up Milhouse!
And Round 7 is a grudge match between last season's 3rd and 4th placers. Grudge match!!
And Round 7 is a grudge match between last season's 3rd and 4th placers. Grudge match!!
Wednesday, 15 October 2014
Week 7: Planning
Week 7 starts tomorrow with a very tasty Thursday [Friday] Night match-up: Patriots v Jets.
The Eagles and the Buccaneers have the bye this week, so no McCoy, Foles, Maclin or Ertz. And no... whoever plays for the Buc's. Given their terrible performance I assume no there are no fantasy players affected... BAM!
Tuesday, 14 October 2014
Week 6: Award Ceremony
Hypnotoad Award
For scoring way more than any other coach
The Hypnotoad Award is named for the Hypnotoad, renowned for mesmerising his enemies and compelling them to do his bidding.
Agent P takes home this week Hypnotoad Award for putting up 140 points in a dominating performance. Not only was that 6 more points than her opponent, it was also 30 points above the closest coach. Only two players under ten points, a Defence over 20 and 2 players over 25: great game!
Mission Accomplished
For leaving the most points on the bench in a losing side
The Mission Accomplished Award is named for the 2003 speech given by George W Bush announcing that the Iraq war was basically over and then sitting back and waiting for the kudos to come in. Instead of kudos, 11 years and now ISIS.
Amazing the difference a week makes, as last week Marcline the Vampire Queen won the Hypno, and now takes takes this weeks MA award for leaving 58 points on the bench. Over 34 points were from Cam Newton who had a memorable game, both personally and his team tied the Bengals at 37 each. Can Marcy trust Cam Newton again? Or Eli? Or back to Free Agency for another QB altogether? Tough decisions to be made this week.
Week 6: Wash-up
With a 6-0 record Breesus is setting a new benchmark for success this season, one that not even the NFL teams can muster (each team has lost at least one game, six games if you're the Jaguars). And with both Marcy and me idling gently on 1-5 there is plenty of scope for the remaining seven teams to beat each other up each week, as evidenced by close games between The General and The Heartbreaker, and the Lighties and Endless. Meanwhile, Agent P and Zim played a weird one.
What a game, Panthers v Bengals. It ended in a 37-37 tie at the end of over-time because the Bengals kicker missed a sitter with 3 seconds left on the clock. What a loser! And speaking of, The General won the game but no thanks to his D who AGAIN, for the SECOND week in a row posted negative points. Wow! Thank Breesus that the General has Andrew Luck to bail him out! The Farnsworth's can start looking for a new WR to replace Victor Cruz who went down with the worst looking injury of the week, torn patella tendon that left his knee floating somewhere in his leg. Awful to imagine, just horrid to watch on the field. The Farnsworth's need to recruit a couple of WRs and maybe a new RB to complement his team instead of leaving the hard work to the Patriots D, Tucker and Matt Ryan, who had a rough day at the office.
Agent P (140) def Zim (80)
Five players under ten points versus five players over fifteen points = beat-down. TY Hilton started the rout on Thursday Night Football and with McCoy having his first good performance of the season, Rivers continuing his dominance, Thomas still running rampant for the Broncos and the Lion's D roaring - the hat-wearing platypus had a DAY OUT and jumped over Zim in the standings to claim second place. For Zim's starters it looks like just a down-week, Lycnh, Foles, Maclin, and Tate should all bounce back, but that is likely cod-confort for the weird-looking alien renown for her harsh-coaching strategies.Breesus (105) def Marcy (71)
Despite winning comfortably Breesus must be wondering why he went with Cousins instead of Flacco, who scored 4 TD's in the first quarter and 5 for the game. But come on, who picks Flacco for fantasy football? As usual, Breesus got solid performances out of enough players to get the W, without having to overly rely on any one player. What a coach! Finding a replacement for Ridley might be difficult who is out for the season with an ACL in the second-worst injury of the week. Marcy also rues QB selection, choosing Eli over Cam and leaving a 28 point differential on the bench. Eli? The Giants lost 27-0 and Eli was sacked 5 times in a terrible, terrible performance. I suspect Eli is joining Cousins on Marcy's ever-growing scrap heap. Marcy can take some bittersweet comfort in her Eagle's D earning 20 points... (at the expense of her QB... ouch!).US Forces (80) def Farnsworth's (71)
Lighties (69) def Endless (66)
Another close one to the Lighties who are on the 3-game winning streak, thank you very much. Peyton Manning, again, put in a good day, but Donnell, again, was overly quiet. Not entirely is fault, the entire Giants team was awful (see Eli above). If Endless had started pretty much any Defence (except the Bengals) she probably would have taken the Lighties, as her Chiefs had the bye. Or the Viking's could have bothered to have some offence and given the ball to Patterson, who is shaping up as a bust this year. I'd say the Vikings, in general, are a bust, though, and it is not all Patterson's fault.Bradylessbrothers (112) def Doof (99)
BB won the game but must be wondering about that mighty trade of Tom Brady for Tony Romo. Since that trade Brady has put up 51 points in 2 weeks, versus 23 to Roethlisberger and 33 to Tony Romo. Weird. Good thing BB was only playing Doof and an average QB game didn't matter. Sigh. Foster, Bernard, Smith, Thomas AND the Texan's all put up good points for BB and he moves to 3-3 for the season. A last minute trade for Sanu made my score more palatable, along with Oliver and Tate. The Viking's are trying pretty hard, along with the Jaguars and Rams, to be worse than the Raiders this year, and Asiata was demoted to RB2 on the team and therefore contributed nothing. Swapping Rodgers for Wilson also significantly lowered my coaching rating. Who knew the Cowboy's were almost, entirely possibly, for real this season and could take Seattle at home??Friday, 10 October 2014
Thursday [Friday] Night Football: Colts @ Texans
Just finished watching the big Prime Time game and wow - what a game. In the first quarter the Colts jumped out and had 10 points on the board in 5 minutes, then continued rampaging to be up 24-0 before the Texans woke up. The Colts, with Luck and all his wonderful weapons, are just a great team to watch when they're on fire. But the Texans eventually woke up, a simple route by Arian Foster for about 20-yards and then a good catch by Andre Johnson and BAM suddenly they were off.
Andrew Luck, one of the best QBs going, threw for 200-yards in the first half. TY Hilton was the thankful receiver and ended up with over 200 yards and a TD on the night. "Who owns him?" - I hear you ask. I wondered that too until I received a message from Agent P gloating over her WR's big haul - mystery solved. Congrats, or whatever.
Arian Foster ended the night with a big score, 26 points. Sadly he is owned by BB and so I am already 26 points in the hole. *SIGH* Well I would be, except my man JJ Watt had a monster night for the Texans Defense and despite the Colts putting up 33 points the Texans D still scored 12. So I'm 36 points in the hole. Booo!
Oh, I can't stay angry with JJ, just look at his highlight reel! Look at it! And his fumble recovery for a TD!
Watt is one of my favourite players: doesn't give up, keeps going and plays really well. Check this stat out:
JJ Watt is the 5th player in NFL history to have a fumble return TD, receiving TD and INT TD in the same season. First in 53 years.
Game-wise, the Colts dominated the first half and then the Texans muscled their way back into it and had an opportunity in the dying minutes to steal victory. A good QB could have done it, sadly the Texans have Fitzpatrick and it was not too be: 33-28, Colts won.
I know that Breesus has some love for Fitzpatrick, or Fitzmagic as he likes to be called, but I just can't do it. Too inconsistent, too reliant on lady luck to see him through. He is a poor mans Stafford, and given Stafford's struggles that is not good. With Foster, Johnson and Hopkins it is hard to say Fitzy doesn't have weapons this year - he just doesn't know how to use them.
Andrew Luck, one of the best QBs going, threw for 200-yards in the first half. TY Hilton was the thankful receiver and ended up with over 200 yards and a TD on the night. "Who owns him?" - I hear you ask. I wondered that too until I received a message from Agent P gloating over her WR's big haul - mystery solved. Congrats, or whatever.
Arian Foster ended the night with a big score, 26 points. Sadly he is owned by BB and so I am already 26 points in the hole. *SIGH* Well I would be, except my man JJ Watt had a monster night for the Texans Defense and despite the Colts putting up 33 points the Texans D still scored 12. So I'm 36 points in the hole. Booo!
Oh, I can't stay angry with JJ, just look at his highlight reel! Look at it! And his fumble recovery for a TD!
Watt is one of my favourite players: doesn't give up, keeps going and plays really well. Check this stat out:
JJ Watt is the 5th player in NFL history to have a fumble return TD, receiving TD and INT TD in the same season. First in 53 years.
Game-wise, the Colts dominated the first half and then the Texans muscled their way back into it and had an opportunity in the dying minutes to steal victory. A good QB could have done it, sadly the Texans have Fitzpatrick and it was not too be: 33-28, Colts won.
I know that Breesus has some love for Fitzpatrick, or Fitzmagic as he likes to be called, but I just can't do it. Too inconsistent, too reliant on lady luck to see him through. He is a poor mans Stafford, and given Stafford's struggles that is not good. With Foster, Johnson and Hopkins it is hard to say Fitzy doesn't have weapons this year - he just doesn't know how to use them.
Thursday, 9 October 2014
Week 6: Match-ups
Big games this week with Doof and BB playing to stay alive, Marcy trying to prune Breesus, and one of my favourite match-ups: Zim v Agent P.
Zim (110) v Agent P (115)
It is probably a good thing Zim and Agent P will be spending Sunday afternoon sipping some Sav Blanc together instead of Monday as this is looking to be a close one. Zim is sticking with her up-and-down QB while Agent P continues to roll with the hottest QB in town, Rivers. Beyond that, Lynch v McCoy, Nelson v Julio Jones, Tate v Thomas and the Seahawks v Lions. Great match-ups.Breesus (97) v Marcy (114)
Marcy has the projected edge this week and will be hoping that translates into reality, cutting Breesus down to size and moving up the standings herself. Breesus will be hoping less that Cousins has a great game and more that he just doesn't screw the whole thing up, as Cousins did to Marcy only two weeks ago. The Murray v Lacy match-up is the big one, the two premier RBs.Farnsworth's (111) v The General (93)
Good match-up for these two 2-3 teams, the Farns'es looking to end a two game losing streak and the The General hoping to not drop two in a row. The General needs to be wary of Montee Ball, RB2, who is not playing due to injury. Shuffling the deck to move Morris to RB2 and then add Roddy White to the Flex spot may pay off. Meanwhile, the Farns'es are stacked and ready to go.Endless (109) v Illuminators (123)
The Black Hole versus the Cult of Light, Stafford v Manning, Bell v Gore, Bryant v Crabtree. Endless needs a new Defence as the Chiefs have the bye but is everyone else excited about watching Dez Bryant play this weekend in Seattle? Or just the Cowboys at Seattle in general? Time to see whether the 'Boys are pretenders or for realz this season.Doof (105) v BB (97)
Another closely predicted game with both teams needing a win. BB has the difficult job of managing his QB Carousel, Big Ben or Romo? The Browns have not sucked lately, putting pressure on Ben, but Romo is playing the Seahawks, and although the Seahawks D has not scored fantasy wise they have been big winners in reality this year. Looking forward to seeing if Steve Smith can bounce back and Arian Foster can stay up. On my side of the fence, major changes again as I've tried to put a more run-focused attack in place. Oliver comes in off Waivers to replace Harvin, I've had to put Megatron on the bench in case the Lions do the same to manage his ankle and I've added cast-away Tate to take the RB load. Will that be enough???Wednesday, 8 October 2014
Week 6: Planning
Week 6 starts tomorrow, as usual, so we can see who the columnists like for this week.
New Orleans and Kansas City both have a bye this week and so their players need to be accounted for. I see that Breesus was looking at Joe 'Cool' Flacco to replace Drew Brees but is now considering Kirk Cousins. Wouldn't that be something, if Cousins came out and torched poor Marcy.
Tuesday, 7 October 2014
NFL Tidbits
A couple of interesting things I read today over at MMQB:
First, a quote by Peyton Manning when asked about his 500th TD pass, he ended the game only 5 TD's behind Brett Favre who holds the all-time record:
"...somebody asked me if for my first [touchdown pass], ‘Did we wear leather helmets?’ So, that was a nice free cheap shot there. I wouldn’t start that guy on your fantasy team next week. He’s not going to get a lot of balls next week. I’ll leave him nameless.”
Quietly, every franchise in the NFL just improved its bottom line by $24.2 million a year, without any effort whatsoever. The new deal the NFL signed Wednesday with DirecTV, an eight-year contract worth a minimum of $12 billion (I hear it’s slightly more than that) beginning in 2015, is an increase in rights fees for satellite TV from $1 billion to $1.5 billion per year. That $500-million-per-year increase nets out to $15.6 million per team. Add to that the new $275 million this year from CBS for doing the Thursday night package ($8.6 million per team) and you’ve got $24.2 million a year more in found money for NFL teams from TV revenue alone. (To be clear, the DirecTV contract starts in 2015, and the $275 million will certainly be the floor that the NFL accepts from whichever network does the Thursday night package in 2015.)
By Wednesday, the long-term future of the Bills (and maybe a new downtown stadium) will be assured. Terry Pegula, 63, who has made his fortune in the natural gas and fracking businesses, and wife Kim are likely to be approved in a landslide by the NFL’s 31 owners at the annual fall meeting in New York City. He’s buying the Bills for $1.4 billion, almost $500 million more than their appraised value, and word on the NFL street is he’d like to oversee construction of a new stadium in downtown Buffalo, near the hockey arena where his Sabres—he owns them too—play. Think of the inflation of franchises in less than a generation. In 2000 the Jets were sold to Woody Johnson for $635 million. New York is the biggest city in the country. Buffalo is 73rd-biggest, behind Henderson, Nev., and Plano, Texas. If you rank by TV markets, Buffalo is 52nd (because of its surrounding counties). But if the NFL franchise in Buffalo is worth $1.4 billion, what are the franchises in New York worth? What would the Cowboys sell for?
First, a quote by Peyton Manning when asked about his 500th TD pass, he ended the game only 5 TD's behind Brett Favre who holds the all-time record:
"...somebody asked me if for my first [touchdown pass], ‘Did we wear leather helmets?’ So, that was a nice free cheap shot there. I wouldn’t start that guy on your fantasy team next week. He’s not going to get a lot of balls next week. I’ll leave him nameless.”
And now, money:
Quietly, every franchise in the NFL just improved its bottom line by $24.2 million a year, without any effort whatsoever. The new deal the NFL signed Wednesday with DirecTV, an eight-year contract worth a minimum of $12 billion (I hear it’s slightly more than that) beginning in 2015, is an increase in rights fees for satellite TV from $1 billion to $1.5 billion per year. That $500-million-per-year increase nets out to $15.6 million per team. Add to that the new $275 million this year from CBS for doing the Thursday night package ($8.6 million per team) and you’ve got $24.2 million a year more in found money for NFL teams from TV revenue alone. (To be clear, the DirecTV contract starts in 2015, and the $275 million will certainly be the floor that the NFL accepts from whichever network does the Thursday night package in 2015.)
By Wednesday, the long-term future of the Bills (and maybe a new downtown stadium) will be assured. Terry Pegula, 63, who has made his fortune in the natural gas and fracking businesses, and wife Kim are likely to be approved in a landslide by the NFL’s 31 owners at the annual fall meeting in New York City. He’s buying the Bills for $1.4 billion, almost $500 million more than their appraised value, and word on the NFL street is he’d like to oversee construction of a new stadium in downtown Buffalo, near the hockey arena where his Sabres—he owns them too—play. Think of the inflation of franchises in less than a generation. In 2000 the Jets were sold to Woody Johnson for $635 million. New York is the biggest city in the country. Buffalo is 73rd-biggest, behind Henderson, Nev., and Plano, Texas. If you rank by TV markets, Buffalo is 52nd (because of its surrounding counties). But if the NFL franchise in Buffalo is worth $1.4 billion, what are the franchises in New York worth? What would the Cowboys sell for?
Week 5: Award Ceremony
A quick note: as Breesus won this week The Gardener was not claimed in Week 5. Marcy has a shot at taking home the coveted award in Week 6. Can she go two in a row and topple the great Breesus? It'd be a little like the Crow toppling Top Dollar* I guess:
The Hypnotoad Award is named for the Hypnotoad, renowned for mesmerising his enemies and compelling them to do his bidding.
*Think I'll watch The Crow this week... sudden desire for some reason
 |
| So much red, just as Marcy likes it |
Hypnotoad Award
For scoring way more than any other coach
The Hypnotoad Award is named for the Hypnotoad, renowned for mesmerising his enemies and compelling them to do his bidding.
Marceline the Vampire Queen feasted on red this week at Endless's expense, topping the League with an impressive 132 points and 60 point margin. Finally selecting the right starters and the right bench-warmers it all went right for Marcy in Week 5.
Mission Accomplished
For leaving the most points on the bench in a losing side
The Mission Accomplished Award is named for the 2003 speech given by George W Bush announcing that the Iraq war was basically over and then sitting back and waiting for the kudos to come in. Instead of kudos, 11 years and now ISIS.
Congratulation to me, 85 points on the bench versus only 72 for my starters. I think I've seen enough of L's and George W Bush for this season. (Funny how those two things fit perfectly together isn't it...)
*Think I'll watch The Crow this week... sudden desire for some reason
Week 5: Washup
I'm sure I'm not the only one sitting here looking at the Week 5 results saying, huh? Oh sure, some of you chumps and chumpettes have big ol' smiles on your faces, like Top Dollar on Devil's Night - blerg to you! BLERG!
This is how I image BB's week went, using Jackie Moon's experience in Semi-Pro as a reference:
I feel you, BB, I feel you.
Breesus (93) def Bradylessbrothers (69)
Once again Breesus scrapes in the win with a solid, but not dominant performance, but still dispatching BB with relative ease. BB must have been tearing his hair out Monday afternoon, watching previous-namesake Tom Brady have his best game of the year and easily best both Big Ben and high profile ring-in Tony Romo. Brady sat out the week on the Lighties bench and Big Ben had a poor showing. Previous weekly stud Steve Smith sucked, Arian Foster showed up in Week 5, on BBs bench! Replace Roethlisberger with Brady and Bradshaw with Foster and BB takes the game and wins The Gardener. The fates are cruel bitches. |
| Breesus setting another winning line-up, like a boss |
This is how I image BB's week went, using Jackie Moon's experience in Semi-Pro as a reference:
 |
| "WOOOO I GOT ME SOME ROMO AND SOME BIG BEN TIME TO KICK ASS AND CHEW BUBBLEGUM SUCK IT BITCHES" |
.jpg) |
| "Brady, stop it... stop it... I'm just going to bite my hand until you stop" |
 |
| Screw this, I'm outta here |
I feel you, BB, I feel you.
Agent P (114) def Heartbreakers (80)
A big rebound from the demolition job last week as Agent P keeps the Heartbreaker from ruining her Week 5. Demarius Thomas led the way in points in Week 5 and Phil Rivers had yet another good game. (Am I the only one waiting for the old-Chargers to kick in and San Diego to finish the year with a 6-10 record? ) Matt Ryan shows once again that he can't play away games (much like Drew Brees - dome syndrome?). Funnily enough, the Farnsworth's stat sheet looks remarkably like Breesus', a few solid performers and the rest all sub-par. In relative good news for the Farnsworth's, the score was good enough to beat 5 of the 10 teams this week, but not the team he was against. The bench warmers all had poor games so the best team was played - bitchy fate again. |
| Happy now! |
Marcy (132) def Endless (65)
Big week for Marcy who records not only her first win but also the biggest score of the week and the biggest winning margin of the week AND moves off the bottom of the standings (*grumble*). Endless's awesome team on paper proved to be paper thin with no winners at all. Dez Bryant and Andre Ellington could have lent some spark to the team instead of sitting on the bench, but nothing could have stopped the Vampire Queen this week. It started with Lacy racking up his best game of the season, the Eagles again winning via the Defence, Quick being just that and Eli, Peyton's little bro, not playing like the 2013 Little Bro. You know, good for him. I guess.Lighties (77) def The General (75)
The Lighties had their monster win in Week 4 and quickly went back to close fought games, winning by only 2 points. Peyton Manning threw his 500th touchdown - the second player ever to achieve that feat, and scored big for the Illuminators. Gore and Carpenter had solid games, and good thing they did as the rest of the team stayed at home and ate roast beef. Poor Donnell, the hero of Week 4, posted a donut in Week 5. Dang rookies. The General left an inactive player in his line-up but, worst of all, lost 3 points to the Bengal defence. That's right, the Bengals cost him the game. If The General had not bothered to start a defence he would have won. I don't think that is a good lesson for a military man to take to heart. Another crazy fantasy note, Cutler, in a losing performance, scored more points that Luck, who had another winning game. Cutler > Luck? Mind: blown.Zim (118) def Doof (72)
Ok, after Week 5 I think I can finally admit it: I'm letting you all win and tanking the season to make you all feel better about your own teams... like totally! I'm beginning to suspect my strategy of drafting WR's instead of RB's isn't working. Not that most elite RB's have done well this season, but my two monsters that were supposed to return 20-30 points between them have rolled up 9, 8 and 5.4 over the past 3 weeks. Megatron, Marshall... I trusted you guys! Why? And then there's Percy Harvin who scored three TD's in Monday Night Football, only to have ALL OF THEM cancelled because of penalties on the plays. Harvin put up 3.4 points instead of close to 30 if the TDs had stood. OMG! And yes, my bench scored more points than my starters, thank you for pointing that out too. DJax: 21, Wilson 34, Tate 12. UGH! Zim's stat sheet looks like the one we all want: 7 players over 10 points. A couple over 20 would have been nice, but you'd take 118 points in any given week and Zim sits happily in second place.Thursday, 2 October 2014
Week 5: Match-ups
I think we can say that this week has must-win games for Marcy and yours-truly, and a Damn-I-want-to-win game for BB as he hopes to claim the illusive The Gardener Award, and claim major kudos for pruning Breesus. I can honestly say from the eight coaches that aren't Breesus: Good Luck!
BB is going all out this week, starting with a huge trade with the Lighties: Brady for Romo. That trade won't be confirmed until the weekend and until then BB has benched Brady in favour of another BB: Big Ben [Roethlisberger]. On match-ups alone you'd like Big Ben's chances against the Jaguars D, unlike Romo who is up against the Texans D and the superman JJ Watt*. Tough call! Once again, Breesus is placing his fate well and truly in his faith (paradox? that is Breesus for you), starting the rookie Benjamin and TE Olson, both from the flailing Panthers. Add to that the inconsistent Allen, the boom-or-bust Robinson and the Bills D and it's a house built on shifting sands. But if anyone can pull it off it is Breesus.
*Yep, I made that annoying animation (and scripted it!), and so can you: http://giferator.easports.com/
**Not really Getty Images, but still an accurate portrait
BB (115) v Breesus (115)
BB is going all out this week, starting with a huge trade with the Lighties: Brady for Romo. That trade won't be confirmed until the weekend and until then BB has benched Brady in favour of another BB: Big Ben [Roethlisberger]. On match-ups alone you'd like Big Ben's chances against the Jaguars D, unlike Romo who is up against the Texans D and the superman JJ Watt*. Tough call! Once again, Breesus is placing his fate well and truly in his faith (paradox? that is Breesus for you), starting the rookie Benjamin and TE Olson, both from the flailing Panthers. Add to that the inconsistent Allen, the boom-or-bust Robinson and the Bills D and it's a house built on shifting sands. But if anyone can pull it off it is Breesus.Forces (97) v Illuminators (126)
After the huge win last week the Lighties are poised for a second big score. With P. Manning back after a bye, Donnell against the weak Falcons and Brown against the Jaguars there are some very good match-ups. The General meanwhile has the incredible Luck at his disposable, but coming against a strong Ravens D. The Bengals D is ready to carve up the Patriots, Forte and Johnson should have big games. The General needs to update his TE, and for that he will need to bring someone in as his spare TE is injured.Agent P (118) v Farnell Heartbreakers (104)
The secret agent was smoked last week and now faces a very slippery opponent in the renowned heartbreaker: Farnsworths. Just when you think you've taken him down he jumps up, punches into your rib cavity and pulls out your still beating heart. Your team dies while watching its life blood flow from his smiling mouth as your heart is consumed by the monster. Game-wise, both QBs are poised for big games, McCoy will hopefully kick start his slow-season, and the Heartbreakers will be hoping the Patriots D and stop the Bengals. |
| Portrait of Farnsworth at work (Getty Images**) |
Marcy (122) v Endless (102)
Looking to stop the rot Marcy has been hard at work tinkering with the starters and this week places her hope in Eli Manning. This would have been a joke two weeks ago but in two weeks has gone 17 and 32 and this week faces the Falcons at home, quite favourable. Once again her starters look great on paper. But Endless is no pushover, with Stafford under center, Sproles and Bell in the backfield and Patterson and Cooks out wide her offence can compete with anyone. Almost mockingly she is starting Charles in the flex position, and is yet to add her new TE to her starting line-up. Endless is playing with all new ferocity this year.Doof (134) v Zim (109)
The most uncomfortable match-up of the round: Prof Heinz Doofenschmirtz v Invader Zim - we both want control of the world and will cook up any nefarious means to do so. Wait not, that's not the reason: wife v husband: this time, it's personal (just like the last time). Doof has the early projected advantage, mostly because Blount is rated quite poorly for Zim. The Game Preview suggested replacing Blount with Reeves (who dat?) and it may not be a bad idea (depending on who he is and his match-up). However, Blount is paying the Jaguars, and if the Steelers find themselves in Goal-To-Go situations may hand the rock to Blount to run over the Jags D. But will they need him or will Bell and Brown carve the Jags D up before they get into that position? *spooky music* nobody knows!*Yep, I made that annoying animation (and scripted it!), and so can you: http://giferator.easports.com/
**Not really Getty Images, but still an accurate portrait
Wednesday, 1 October 2014
Week 5: Planning
It's the team planning phase so let's have a look at what the NFL.com 'experts' are suggesting.
But before we get there, picking a good team is hard. So hard. How hard, let's ask Larry Donnell. Who dat? Donnell was the Lighties TE this week and assisted in the team going nuclear. Did Donnell expect to do well? Hells no! Donnell benched himself in his fantasy team and started Vernon Davis - if he had played himself his own fantasy team would have won. The lesson is... I have no idea.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)