Week 5: Match-ups

I think we can say that this week has must-win games for Marcy and yours-truly, and a Damn-I-want-to-win game for BB as he hopes to claim the illusive The Gardener Award, and claim major kudos for pruning Breesus. I can honestly say from the eight coaches that aren't Breesus: Good Luck!

BB (115) v Breesus (115)

BB is going all out this week, starting with a huge trade with the Lighties: Brady for Romo. That trade won't be confirmed until the weekend and until then BB has benched Brady in favour of another BB: Big Ben [Roethlisberger]. On match-ups alone you'd like Big Ben's chances against the Jaguars D, unlike Romo who is up against the Texans D and the superman JJ Watt*. Tough call! Once again, Breesus is placing his fate well and truly in his faith (paradox? that is Breesus for you), starting the rookie Benjamin and TE Olson, both from the flailing Panthers. Add to that the inconsistent Allen, the boom-or-bust Robinson and the Bills D and it's a house built on shifting sands. But if anyone can pull it off it is Breesus.

Forces (97) v Illuminators (126)

After the huge win last week the Lighties are poised for a second big score. With P. Manning back after a bye, Donnell against the weak Falcons and Brown against the Jaguars there are some very good match-ups. The General meanwhile has the incredible Luck at his disposable, but coming against a strong Ravens D. The Bengals D is ready to carve up the Patriots, Forte and Johnson should have big games. The General needs to update his TE, and for that he will need to bring someone in as his spare TE is injured.

Agent P (118) v Farnell Heartbreakers (104)

The secret agent was smoked last week and now faces a very slippery opponent in the renowned heartbreaker: Farnsworths. Just when you think you've taken him down he jumps up, punches into your rib cavity and pulls out your still beating heart. Your team dies while watching its life blood flow from his smiling mouth as your heart is consumed by the monster. Game-wise, both QBs are poised for big games, McCoy will hopefully kick start his slow-season, and the Heartbreakers will be hoping the Patriots D and stop the Bengals.

Portrait of Farnsworth at work (Getty Images**)

Marcy (122) v Endless (102)

Looking to stop the rot Marcy has been hard at work tinkering with the starters and this week places her hope in Eli Manning. This would have been a joke two weeks ago but in two weeks has gone 17 and 32 and this week faces the Falcons at home, quite favourable. Once again her starters look great on paper. But Endless is no pushover, with Stafford under center, Sproles and Bell in the backfield and Patterson and Cooks out wide her offence can compete with anyone. Almost mockingly she is starting Charles in the flex position, and is yet to add her new TE to her starting line-up. Endless is playing with all new ferocity this year.

Doof (134) v Zim (109)

The most uncomfortable match-up of the round: Prof Heinz Doofenschmirtz v Invader Zim - we both want control of the world and will cook up any nefarious means to do so. Wait not, that's not the reason: wife v husband: this time, it's personal (just like the last time). Doof has the early projected advantage, mostly because Blount is rated quite poorly for Zim. The Game Preview suggested replacing Blount with Reeves (who dat?) and it may not be a bad idea (depending on who he is and his match-up). However, Blount is paying the Jaguars, and if the Steelers find themselves in Goal-To-Go situations may hand the rock to Blount to run over the Jags D. But will they need him or will Bell and Brown carve the Jags D up before they get into that position? *spooky music* nobody knows!


*Yep, I made that annoying animation (and scripted it!), and so can you: http://giferator.easports.com/
**Not really Getty Images, but still an accurate portrait