Week 4: Match-ups

Posting this one a little early as our most-benevolent State leader has justly and rightly decreed tomorrow a public holiday - suck it not-Victoria (and stop whining business or we just won't shop tomorrow. Ahh who am I kidding, of course we will! Shopping woooo!). I suppose I could write this up at home. Or, I could enjoy my day off and utilise my time at work for this important task.

Hard at work, Getty Images (not really)

Week 4 is a big week for our League leaders, BB and Marcy. A fourth win in a row of course plagues us with Tall Poppy Syndrome, initiating the Gardener Award opportunity from Week 5 onwards. Cut em down! Plus they get to stay at the top of the League Standings. Which I guess is cool, but have no idea what that is like. So, you know, good luck. Or whatever.

Week 4 is also a start of the weekly Bye's. This week it is only the Patriots and Titans. But with the Patriot's playing so well losing those players will certainly take its toll. Titans, not so much.

Farnsworth's (114) v Zim (64)

Two epic week's in a row must have the Farn's locker room feeling pretty good. And not carrying any players on Bye's makes it a bit easier. Zim is carrying three Patriots that need to be replaced before the Week starts, so her projection will look a little different in the next 24-48 hours I'm sure. Weedon @ Saints is probably a safe QB swap. Hitting Free Agency for a new RB and WR is probably a good option.

Endless (104) v BB (96)

Endless leads the projection again this week, but I won't lay down the kiss of death on either team by suggesting their players are good or otherwise. Endless's Kicker has the bye and will need to swap him out; BB has already done that, swapping Gronk with Davis, but will still need to swap out the Patriots D. The big question is, can the Houston Texans stop Julio Jones?

Lighties (114) v Agent P (113)

Closely projected game between the 2-1 Secret Society and 0-3 Secret Agent. Kaepernick v Green Bay is a fascinating dilemma for the Head Coach, as Kaep has ripped GB in recent years, but the 49ers are woeful this season. And who else is sick of hearing about Jarryd Hayne? He makes a 36-yard punt return and the Australian press are nominating him for MVP? Ugh, so lame. Bolo-Rivers v the Browns may well be the better QB option. Deep WR corps with Green, Allen and Sanders all starting, leaving Jones on the bench. *jealous*. I'm sure this is the week Agent P's RB break out of their funk and show some heart - if only because hopefully it breaks the spell for my RBs too. And good if Brandon Marshall can keep his head and not make the 'worst play of all time' - his words. I'm thinking at this stage, Agent P got the better side of the Kaep-Newton trade from Week 2.

The General (108) v Marcy (124)

Big week for Marcy who looks to equal her 2014 win record. And a big week for The General who is probably not paying much attention to this type of football, instead hoping his Hawks can threepeat themselves in the local contest. I think an honest summary of the GF would be Former(Probably current)-Drug-Fiend Eagles v Overly-Abusive-Head-Coach Hawks. Hmm, honest, or just snarky? The ADL will be entertaining the masses even further, of course, by hiring global sensation Katy Perry to perform. OOOOOPS! Perry was at the Superbowl. Hmmm, let's see.... AFL GF entertainment.... ahh here we are. Oh my god. Really? I don't think I can even repeat that. Moving on.

Doof's Suckinators (83) v Breesusless King of the Sore Rotator Cuff (85)

Love that Derek Carr is getting the starting job this week as Breesus QB. Not because of anything to do with Brees, I hope he recovers from injury quickly and returns to his dominating form. But I love that the long-term worst team in the NFL Raiders are getting some offensive power, and Carr is a big reason for that. Good for him, and them. Of course I hope Carr stumbles this week as I need all the help I can get. Selfish much? Yes. This game could boil down to one player rising above the mediocrity of his team mates and scoring more than 10 points. In other words, if these two teams were playing each other for realz, I wouldn't watch it.

Although, I would sure as hell watch it over this guy - General of the US Forces, this is for and your Threepeat Hawks. Enjoy it as much as Gillon Maclachan will (if that is his real name - Gillon??)!

Everything you do this weekend, do it for him!

Week 3: Awards

Week 3's award - one is obvious and the other is, well, more amusing than anything else. Congrats to both Head Coaches.

Hypnotoad Award

The Hypnotoad Award recognises outstanding achievement in scoring

The Farnsworth's of course take this week's Hypno - a whopping 162 points. Four players over 20, four players over 10 and a doughnut. 

With two Hypno's in a row, 140+ and then 160+, where can the Farn's go next? 

Mission Accomplished

The Mission Accomplished Award recognises outstanding achievement in walking away early and not finishing it off

It appears that the jersey swap made little difference as Agent P takes the third MA in a row, leaving 51 points on the bench in a losing team. With the Eagles posting their first win of the season maybe an Eagles jersey would have done the trick? Or maybe the RBs could just do their job.

If it's any consolation, the Farn's left more points on the bench in totality, with 66. No consolation?

Week 3: Wash-up

It's a crazy week when in the top 10 lists for each position you barely recognise any of the scoring leaders. Ok, Rodgers at the top of the QB list is not unusual, but Andy Dalton in second place? Taylor? Flacco and McCown? And then there is the RB list - who are all these players?

Quarterback: New York Jets
Go Flash Go

Another week of big injuries, this time Big Ben Roethlisberger took a hit to his knee. It ended up being best-case scenario, only a sprained MCL and a few weeks off. Eddie Lacey limped off the field for Endless, so too did Lynch and Adams for Zim.  One of Marcy's fav's, Parkey, is done for season with a groin injury. Or, it could be he's just sick of the Eagles, too.

And yes, the Eagles did win this week despite Zim and myself putting the boots in last week. BUT, I watched that game and the Eagles didn't so much as win, as the Jets pulled a Jets and sucked completely. They totally gave it up! If the Patriots can post 51 over the Jags, they were looking at a 75 against this weeks Eagles. Which makes it 150 against the Jets. In my own fantasy fantasy world. The Jets could really use a decent QB, any one got Flash's number?

A reminder to all Head Coaches that this week the dreaded Bye's begin.

Marcy (108) def Agent P (96)

A big win for Marcy who rolls on to a perfect 3-0 and completes Agent P's anti-ideal start of 0-3. Marcy worked through a poor Tight End display, relying, as so many do, on Aaron Rodgers to get the job done. Five touchdowns and a near perfect game. Gore is proving a good pick-up by the Colts this year, and, as mentioned above, Marcy can now freely dump Parkey as his season is over. Agent P suffered from RB-syndrome, a common problem this year in which the RB's put on their pads, take the field, leave the field and cash their paychecks. Play the game? That's for other suckers, apparently. Nice work in starting Newton over Luck - Newton is looking fine and dandy this year (see below), Luck... not so much. 

BB (116) def The General (112)

The projected close game was very close! But there can be only one, and this one is BB with a 3-0 start. BB does seem to have the kiss of deaths for QBs though, churning through his second in two weeks. Last week Romo went down, now Roethlisberger. If you have a QB you hate, ship him to BB to take care of. BB also proves that some RBs are earning their money, with both Randle and Ingram running rampant. And Julio Jones, another lazy 25+ points. The Atlanta Falcon's are probably the most improved team from last year so far. The General's troops put up a fairly strong performance, if only the Jets Decker had caught, say, 4 balls for 40 yards, an average day at the office, then he'd be sitting pretty at 3-0. Also, Anderson? RB-fail. Awesome to see Le'Veon Bell back in, a tidy 20 points in his first game of the year.

Lighties (128) def Zim (70)

Two monster performances by AJ Green and Jamaal Charles helped to sink Zim's battleship this week. A terrible performance by Kaepernick, though, and you wonder how much longer he can be a starter - and not just in the Fantasy game. Not that the Lighties Bolo-tie loving back-up was a big improvement, posting only 9 points in a loss. Zim's scoreline could be used in a poster for Fallout 4 - radioactive wasteland, with a radroach chewing on Marshawn Lynch's leg. Maybe that would be a useful incentive to BLOODY DO SOMETHING. The Bears were shut-out, one of the worst performances from a team I've watched, so no points to the Kicker. Adams was injured in the first quarter, no points to the TE. Lynch limped off, basically no points. The good news for Zim was Brady monstering it, Lewis and Edel's doing their job, and the Seahawks remembering they paid Jimmy Graham a lot of money to be awesome. Packers D was also impressive - Clay Matthews is a beast. 

Breesus (97) def Endless (61)

Joe 'Cool' Flacco led the charge for Breesus with a solid 20 points, but it was Cobb that really inflated the scoreboard with 28, taking advantage of Rodgers running rampant. If not for Cobb, Breesus could join Zim and Endless in the Wasteland, a whole lot of nothing going on. Last week I suggested Endless could have the best team in the League, and she had a projection of 129 point. Let me see, 129 and then 61 total. I withdraw my 'best team' comment. For now. If Lacey can play a full game, Hill can get some of the ball and Donnell can get some love then the makings of a fine team are there. Can someone tell the players?

Farnsworths (163) smashed, ground into fine powder, incinerated and then flung the remains of  Doof (104) into space where it suffered solar radiation before being spaghettified by a black hole, which turned out to be the Farn's heart

A buck 62, on the back of 147 - what more can you say? I think you can start with HAH! Williams put up a big fat 0! Suck it! But when the next lowest score is 13 with four teams over 20, a big fat zero is not looking so big and fat. More like, irrelevant. Or even, merciful. Have a look at the Cardinals Defence score: 28. 28! Inflates my score over 100 nicely. Chalk up the Playinator's as another team with RBs that consistently ignore my demands that they give me fantasy points. Who do they think they are? Peterson took an entire year off (because of child abuse, so, you know, kudos on starting a child abuser...) but he has done 17 and 24 in the last two weeks and does not look like stopping. What is cool is seeing Larry Fitzgerald, an aging star, have a stellar three game stretch. What a free agent pick-up.

Week 3: Match-ups

Work is on hold for far more important duties, lunch has been consumed and so we are ready to roll.

The first game is probably over by now, I will pretend that hasn't happened yet as I won't watch it until tonight anyway.

Agent P (113) v Marcy (130)

Marcy is off to a flyer this season, sitting pretty at 2-0. An elite QB like Rogers will take you far, throw in a WR like Brown and you're almost there before you start. Fascinating that the Kicker Parkey has been dumped for the Panthers Gano - Marcy, say it aint so! Say you havent sent Parkey to the doghouse. Actually, I believe it. Can't trust dem Eagles.

And on that note, welcome to your new jersey Agent P - I hope it doesn't let you down like the Eagles one did.

After two poor games Luck has been dropped by Agent P who is now rolling the dice on C. Newton. Cam has started this season well and is facing a terrible Nawlin's Saints this week. Crowell fumbled twice last week to end the game in the doghouse, so he needs a big one to reclaim that precious trust. The rookie sensation Johnson is a good gamble this week. Love the bookend of Newton at QB and the Panthers D. Nice synergy. Also, Panthers D has been playing great ball. Also playing great ball is the Tight End Kelce.

BB (94) v The General (117)

Welcome back Le'Veon Bell - oh how we missed you! Although the General at 2-0 didn't miss you that much. And neither did the 1-1 Steelers. And Williams certainly didn't miss you, racking up 30 points last week for the Farnsworth's. Take note kids, when you take drugs you lose all your friends.

BB still has Romo in the starting line-up, so we can expect Big Ben to take his place before Monday morning. Will the General be defeated this week by the greatest Steelers QB of all time? Patriots D versus the Jaguars is a great match-up, and who can go past the Gronk and Jones? Does BB have the best fantasy team this season? Just missing a top RB at this stage.

Zim (96) v Lighties (110)

Ok, some of you out there unfairly criticised the Lighties last week. I hope you're all feeling bad about it and sent the beleaguered head coach some apologies. Egg on all yo' faces when Rivers takes back the Bolo-Tie-Of-Power and destroys the Vikings this week. Ok, maybe not. But the Lighties are still packing McCoy and Charles who are due for big weeks, Jonesy has been brought in to shore up the WR spot and the Broncos Kickers is a gun. Went looking for him and cried out in anger when I saw him on the Lighties squad.

Can the Jaguar's stop Tom Brady throwing 800TDs this week? Maybe send 400 to Lewis and 400 to Edelman? Wow Lewis has looked good in his first two starts, avoiding the doghouse despite some fumbles because he is so good. Great pick up by Zim. Unless, of course, Belichick pulls a Belichick and doesn't start him this week. Jimmy Graham come back, we miss you terribly.

Breesus (86) v Endless (129)

Wow, look at that projected split! Is Breesus looking a little weak this year? Drew Brees is shifty and may not play. If he does, can he score? Breesus isn't packing a spare QB, so unless he pick up Joe Flacco (lol) maybe there is a trade waiting to happen? No, BB - put Romo back. Breesus is too smart for that trade. Amari Cooper looked hot last week, which is not easy when a) you're a rookie and b) you play for the Raiders. Falcons D at Dallas is a good match-up with the Cowboys most likely starting their famous Cheerleaders this week after suffering so many injuries. Debbie in the Dallas Tight End spot? Come on, that joke was there to be made!

If anyone is challenging BB for best team its Endless - if only the players knew that! At 0-2 with Wilson, Lacy, Hill, Morris and the Texans? Cooks has an excuse for sucking, he's on the Saints. Same with Donnell for the Giants. But come on Wilson and Lacy! And with a projected 129, I'm not the only one thinking that.

Doof (88) v Farnsworths (123)

Hot off an epic performance the Farnsworth's are again ranked highly. And why not, Ryan has protection and weapons this year. Ok, one weapon: Julio Jones. But he doesn't need more than that. Peterson, Fitzgerald, Beckham and Gostkowski. Ok, maybe this is the best team. Williams may struggle because of Romo going down - but with Dez Bryant not playing maybe he gets more looks and more points? The Eagles D is a risky start, especially when you have the freaking Bronco's on your bench (40+ points in 2 games). Don't insult me. WTF am I saying? Do, play the Eagles. Please play the Eagles! Love that the Farns picked up another Kicker off Waivers this week, and love that his name is Cairo Santos. I think we all need a player called Cairo on our teams. Seems... solid, timeless, and maybe just a little dingy.

It feels like I'm scraping the barrel in starting Ginger Dalton over Matty Stafford. My projection used to be 96 before I made some changes, reducing it to 88. What happened in the draft? Can the rookie RB at the 'Skins have a big game for me? Can Rogers utilise his Tight End Rogers? Megatron, I love you, don't let me down. Following Zim's advice DeMarco Murray has been dumped, DUMPED.

Week 3: Prelude to the preview

In tragic circumstances today's piece will be a little late. Hey, sometimes I have to work my day job - tragic as that may be.

So here's a little, or rather a giant, something to fill your time:

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000537686/article/watch-7foot-440pound-lineman-towers-over-hs-competition

Week 2: Award ceremony

And now it's time for the most anticipated part of the Week, the Award Ceremony. If we can avoid Amy Schumer photobombing us I think this can go smoothly.

Hypnotoad Award

The Hypnotoad Award recognises outstanding achievement in scoring
Hol-y cow Farnsworth's - a hundred forty seven points - so many points it is worth spelling instead of cheating and using numbers. Fifty-six points came from two free agent signing, the preferred Kicker put up a handsome 18, and the player-that-looks-the-most-like-the-Head Coach put up 20. Great job!

Mission Accomplished

The Mission Accomplished Award recognises outstanding achievement in walking away early and not finishing it off
Agent P said in correspondence this week she was excited to win the Mission Accomplished award in Week 1, as she couldn't remember winning it before. Well the excitement continues this week with the second MA in a row! Last week it was 61, this week a 20% improvement with 75 points on the bench. 

I worry that I may have curse Agent P but putting her in the Eagles jersey. I will correct that and change uniform's. As Zim said, it is evacuation time for the Eagles in 2015. My apologies, Agent P, you deserve better than the Chipmunk's or the Eagles. We shall overcome!

Week 2: Smiles and Tears

Interesting split in the Standings after two weeks with 3x 2-0, 4x 1-1 and 3x 0-2 teams. Which means if you're a 0-2 team there is not much to worry about. Yet. And if you're a 2-0 team, look-out! And if you're playing the Farn's in Week 3, prepare to have your heart-broken. *checks W3 schedule... ahhh dammit!*

If you're interested in some amazing plays coming out of Week 2, this video is for you. At 2 minutes it's a great overview. Make sure you stick around to Number 1 and watch C. Newton own the field.

Save energy,
turn off your Lighties

Farnsworth's (147) turned of the Lighties (82)

Welcome to the big time, Farnell Farnsworth's! A buck 47 gave them a huge win over the Lighties, and the biggest score of the season to date. Fitzgerald put up the best active player numbers this week, and was well complemented by Beckham, and Free Agent pick-up Williams. The Farn's have played the Free-Agent market well this year after their rash drafting and then dropping of Kickers. Great come back! Ryan and Peterson showed up and the Kicker just sealed the deal. The Farn's still has two spare spots on the bench, fill em up!

What happened to the impressive Lighties from just one week ago? The Bolo-Tie of Power certainly left them this week. Two players with negative points - that could well be a League record (if anyone wants to look it up by trawling the archives).

Forces (77) def Breesus (68)

A real mixed bag for both teams with week. Great to see Peyton Manning have some big plays in the early game, posting 20 points for the General. On the other side, Mr Brees was injured and could be out for a few weeks. Breesless King of the Drews? Breesus takes a second injury hit this week with the TE, he's gone for 4-6 too. And a final blow, the big Free Agency pick of Dez Bryant probably won't pay off, with his 4 week injury looking more like a 10-12 week-er. Look for a mighty re-vamped Breesless team in Week 3. The General gets LeVeon Bell in Week 3 to prop up the RB stocks.

Marcy (82.8) def Zim (82.5)

Win, win, win...
Awwww crap no!
0.3?! Are you kidding me??

OUCH! 0.3 points were all separating these two this week. If memory serves, Zim lost by 0.05 or something like that a season or two ago? Looking at the graph Zim had a slight lead in the last game but the Defence must have given something up. Boo! Huge WTFs around the League regarding Sproles and Graham, two great playmakers being wasted by their teams in the first two weeks. And I think we can add Lynch to that too. Marcy sits in second place with a 2-0 record, only 2 more wins before she equals last years tally. With Antonio Brown beasting up the field and A-Rod as QB things are looking good for the Vampire Queen. Except, of course, Jeffrey and all three RBs. All 3? Seriously RBs, get your shit together!

BB (98) def Agent P (84)

BB also sits pretty with a 2-0 record lording over the League from the top of the Standings. A well rounded team effort, with no particular stand-outs, except for the Gronk. What a beast of a Tight End! BB takes a big hit with Tony Romo breaking his clavicle, as Zim mentioned in her earlier post. But BB is carrying Roethlisberger on the bench and so won't miss a beat. Agent P placed her faith in Luck who let everyone down, including his coach who took a swipe at him in the post-game conference. Things are not good in Indy this year. But, a word of advice from Marcy, be wary of QB's called C. Newton. Once you start that QB Carousel there is no getting off. Unless Cam has the Bolo-Tie of Power now? And the video I posted above suggests maybe he does. Crazy, also, to see 30 of Agent P's points come from two Jets players. Go Jets!

Doof (90) def Endless (65)

Endless suffered from her RB's having a case of injuries and drops this week. Lacey went off injured and Hill was dragged for sucking. Her WR Cooks and TE Donnell suffered because their teams, New Orleans Saints and NY Giants, are terrible. But, look for Lacey to bounce back next week. And well done for managing the known injuries, with Jackson and Gurley left safely on the bench where they can't hurt anyone. Like Zim, Chipmunk Kelly tried his hardest to screw me over this week with Agholor and Murray barely showing up. Screw you Kelly! Last year Murray ran for over 100 yards in 14 games. This year: 11 yards on 21 attempts in the two games. WTF? Stafford and Megatron managed a few points but are looking shifty. Tucker and Cardinals D FTW! *sigh* As we say in the sports journalism industry to which I am currently engaged: let's look towards the Week 3.