Zim engages savvy new recruiter for Week 4

I would have liked to have given you slathering beasts this week’s candidates for who would be sent to BLORCH: Home of the Slaughtering Rat People.  However, given almost my entire team qualified (even Anquon Boldin did not demonstrate a significant enough boost) I have had to rethink my strategy.

Thus, loyal DoomyDooms, I am announcing two new strategies:

First, I have hired a new talent scout: Chamberlain, a hideous skeksis from the Dark Crystal.  He was easily the most conniving even if not that strong compared to the fat one that took over from the emperor. I think you’ll find Chamberlain’s methods of draining the essence of other talent scouts in order to ascertain the best picks most effective.  

Chamberlain is a shrewd negotiator, without actually frightening
the crap out of me like the Emperor Skeksis does.

 Furthermore, there is little need for negotiation by way of wages as Chamberlain has assured me personally that his Garthim will sort out any logistical issues. 

Welcome Santonio Holmes – I am sure your transition from Garthim cage to Chamberlain to part of my happy team was seamless.  If not, please direct your complaints to Chamberlain.

Second, I AM SENDING THE WHOLE* TEAM TO BLORCH: Home of the Slaughtering Rat People.

Yes, I lied when I may have inferred that BLORCH was being dumped.  NEVER! Indeed, you will all face the wrath of the Slaughtering Rat People and you will all learn to get fantasy points in double digits once again.

This is how you shall all be insolent fantasy team!

*There are exceptions as to who won’t be sent.  As this list for those who will not be sent to BLORCH: Home of the Slaughtering Rat People is shorter than the list of those who will be; I have decided to provide the former.

• Tom Brady – you are working with crappy noobs and still won the game and gave a pretty good performance with good stats.  While I am a little peeved you managed to outscore your understudy thereby benching the extra points, I respect your sprite and have humbly returned you to your position of QB-1.
• Alex Smith – for being one of the few players to post double digits in my BLORCH-worthy team.  That has not saved you from being dumped onto the Bench.  Frankly, Brady has better body language than you - you could learn a lot if only you looked more irritated.
• Ray Rice – you were injured potentially from your stint at BLORCH last week.  You better make it up to me in week 4 or you will again feel the burn of fetid rat teeth burrowing into your flesh.
• Danarius Moore – for trying to impress me despite being in a loser team.  You may make it off the bench after all.

The rest of you freaks will learn how to bring the doom from BLORCH (Home of the Slaughtering Rat People).