From the desk of ZIM...
In case you were all wondering HOW Zim managed such
greatness, despite not even winning every match… well, I will enlighten you
all.
First, and most importantly, I AM ZIM. With that out of the way, I will now,
belatedly, announce my new talent scout.
Yes, yes, this does mean that I replaced Chamberlain, the Skesis that
sucked the life out of the pod people and hopefully as many gelflings as you
can poke a stick at. Apparently, sucking
the essence from people is bad for morale (who knew?). Also, using an predator that was infatuated
with a alien was bound to cause some friction in the team.
So I swapped out the predator for a predator of my own:
Richard Sherman. THAT’S RIGHT. You will all have Sherman hunting you down
like a yellow-bellied red-neck.
My strategy of using monsters was not necessarily a bad
thing, but my predator – as you may recall – was infatuated with that tarted up
alien that those luminescent pricks sent to distract him. SO, I have replaced the predator with
Marshawn BEAST-MODE* Lynch.
“When approaching something as significant as the Seahawks
defence having a bye, I thought to myself, what would Caesar do?” Mr Burgundy
said, while drinking too much milk on a warm day. “Rather than encasing myself in a glass cage
of emotion, I looked around and noticed the Chargers defence, facing off
against the Jaguars.”
“A little known fact about town the Chargers call home: Discovered by the
Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means ‘a
whale’s vagina.” Ron explained. “On that
basis, they’ll beat the Jaguars who are a team I don’t even recognise because I
don’t follow the NBA.”
Yup – that is the wisdom flowing people. Stand back and recognise.
By the end of this season, some will be disfigured. In some
cases, lasting friendships will be made. And as usual, no touching of the hair
and face.
*I am advised that in beastmode studies, Lynch defeats
others 60% of the time, all the time.
I am ZIM
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