Week 1: Match-ups

Week 1: it all starts here. Teams full of vanilla, healthy players with no 2014 history and only glory ahead. Well, glory AND shame. But no shame at this point. How long will it take until the shame sets in? Perhaps BradysBrothers, new for the 2014 season, have already experienced some shame with Wes Welker being suspended for 4 games for a drugs violation. If only it was AFL and then we still wouldnt know whether Welker should be suspended or not for another 2 years. But its NFL and the traitor [lost superbowls AND went to Manning from Brady] is GUILTY!

Perhaps Agent P, my arch nemesis, has experienced some shame for drafting the wife-beater? For shame!

But for the rest of us, only glory so far.

LET IT BEGIN:

Endless (89) v US Forces (91)

The General marched hard last year, waging a terrifying ground war against all and sundry.  But just like a European general marching towards Moscow, the General fell perilously close to the objective, losing the Championship Game to Breesus. But, as any war strategist will tell you, it doesn't matter how good your offence is (Andrew Luck), if you can't cover your ass it's all over. The General's ass is exposed, his entire Defence is Missing In Action.

Endless meanwhile will be looking to start fresh in 2014 and with the 1, 2, 3, 4 flurry of punches from Stafford, Charles, Bryant and kicker Crosby she certainly has the fire power to do so.

Farnsworth's (98) v Marceline the Vampire Queen (92)

Retaining the default team icon, and openly spitting in the faces of his friends, Farnsworth has declared that he is not bowing to anyone this year and will do what he wants, when he wants. That sort of open arrogance, hubris if you will, needs to be backed up with some strong team performances. Farnsworth has the potential to do so, Ryan, Peterson, Green and Jackson are all potent weapons - bright glory or deep shame, Farnsworth knows no inbetween.

Making her VP3 debut, Marceline the Vampire Queen has a strong team, the only question mark being Newton at QB. He has performed well the last few seasons but is coming off ankle surgery only a few weeks ago and has a depleted receiver corps. Time will tell whether Newton is glory or shame bound. But with Jimmy Graham, Lacy, Jeffrey and Allen on the starting line-up, Marcy looks bright in Week 1.

Zim (101) v Bradysbrothers (86)

Moving away from the QB merry-go-round (sans the merry) will make life easier for Zim in 2014. Foles should post great numbers this year, and with Marshawn Lynch hitting Beast Mode early, supported by a healthy Gronk [gods willing] and Nelson and Coopoer, Zim should be a points powerhouse. The General should take note of Zim's defence, the Seahawks, and weep in shame of not drafting the Legion of Boom.

The second new team for 2014, Bradysbrothers, will be looking for early glory with favourite son, Tom Brady, under center. As Zim can attest, his onfield heroics do not always translate well to fantasy points. But with the support of Foster, Bernard, Fitzgerald and Hauscka, the Bros should not struggle for points. The paradox of Brady and Welker may result in the end of the world, but word is the Lighties will probably beat them to it anyway so there is no real concern.

Breesus (79) v Agent P (90)

It's the 2013 World Champions versus a platypus in a fedora. But this platypus is also a secret agent with a secret lair filled with traps and computers and things. How can a sacrilegious, aholy figure possible compete with that? By starting Drew Brees, Murray, Bush, Cobb and the Cardinals defence.

But the platypus is no slouch, Kaep, McCoy, Stacy, Thomas and the Rams. This secret agent is packing serious heat.

Lighties (110) v Doof (88)

Agent P and Doofenschmirtz may be arch-nemesis, but when it comes to on-field competition it doesn't get much fiercer that the Illuminators versus the Playinators: it's always personal.

The Lighties drafted Manning in round 1 against Doof's Rodgers. DJax v Megatron. Harvin v that hack Crabtree. Saints v 49ers. Skynet projects the Lighties blowing Doof out of the water, but the games don't usually end up that way. No matter what happens, the Head Coaches are guaranteed to let everyone know exactly what happened.