Week 5: Wash-up

Farnsworth's heart

Agent P would have broken heart of the serial heartbreaker, except clinical studies have confirmed that the Farnsworths have no heart - just a lump of coal. Black. Cold. Uncaring. Coal. The industrious platypus stole the game by under 4 points, relying on Julio Jones to post 9.9 points in Monday nights game. That will be the last hurrah Jones provides Agent P, as after winning the game for the secret Agent, he went down injured, most likely for the season. The Farnsworths excellent score was led by Peyton Manning who again dominated for the Broncos. Despite the loss they will be relieved Agent P did not start Tony Romo, who posted a week high 40.94 points - points left on the bench. Agent P's first mistake of the season, irrelevant as she still won. It's a little insulting to the rest of us who have good players that just keep sucking.

I am hereby offering an additional Award to the team that can bring down Agent P (clever award name tbc). Some may call this a bounty, but in this league we don't approve of Bounty programs. This is merely an award for excellence. Zim is first up with a shot at the new award - I'm sure we all wish her the best of luck. Remember, you can offer up your players to Zim to assist with The Great Monotreme Hunt.

My game of the week prediction was a bit of a white wash, with Endlessnessism (2-3) pulling the Wooli's (1-4) into the Endless void, and squishing them into nothingness. Maybe not quite that bad, only a 20 point win. Like Zim's Doomydooms, Wooli suffered from a swath of players that couldn't be bothered, for yet another week. Endless won mostly off the back of her Defense, the 49ers. Funnily, the 49ers won off the backs of their defense too.

Dez Bryant: file footage

As the Forces can attest with their gun quarterback, 49ers star Colin Kaepernick, posting another sub-10 game. Despite Kaepernick's suck, the Forces still handsomely extinguished the Lighties flame. The Forces attacked the Lighties from the flanks, first thrusting with Jamaal Charles and then bringing out their Beast, Dez Bryant. For good measure, DeSean Jackson was let loose to have some fun. It was unmatched brutality and the Lighties just switched off. The Forces sit pretty at 4-1, the Lighties drop to 3-2.

Breesus continued their winning streak (3-2) with a dominating win over the Maidens. An uncharacteristically low score to playmaker Drew Brees was rectified by a strong performace by RB Knowshon Moreno. The Chiefs defense also posted a healthy score. The Maidens suffered a similar fate to the Detroit Lions - both had to lineup without one of the best players in the NFL: Calvin Johnson. Without Megatron onboard both the Maidens and the Lions just couldnt muster any offense. Blackmon being a rare spark in his first game back from suspension.

In the final game of the week the less talked about the better. Zim's players sleep-walked through their games and are all now at Blorch for re-education. Ray Rice can attest to its usefulness as he finally scored above 20. Peyton Manning's domination assisted the Doof's with 30 points coming from his amazing passing game, Welker and Thomas being the recipients. Thanks to Mat Ryan for sucking when the QB I dropped posted his season high tally. I'm sorry, Russell Wilson - can we make up?

Award Ceremony

Hypnotoad Award

The award for the Most Points again again and again goes to Agent P. This is the fourth week in a row - ok, good for you or whatever.

Mission Accomplished

The award for the Most Points Left On The Bench In A Losing Team goes to Woolibeans, with a whopping 75 points.

Black Flag

The Week 4 Black Flag is awarded to the Farnsworths for beating the projection by 9 points.

Most Satisfying Player

The Week 4 Most Satisfying Player award also goes to the Farnsworths for starting Peyton Manning. Congrats for making up for the Week 1 error, which was of course replicated in Week 5 by Agent P, who left the week high 40 points on the bench. I don't think anyone expected 40 points and over 500 yards passing from Tony Romo. Peyton Manning, meanwhile, is simply stunning to watch this season.