Week 8: Wash-up

Bye-shock played havoc with teams this week, as did the ongoing disrespect players, coordinators and coaches are showing to us poor fantasy players.

Lynch - 27 total yards for 2.7 points - what the hell Pete Carrol?
McCoy - 65 yards for 6.5 points - thank you Chip Kelly.
The Law Firm (BenJarvis Green-Ellis) a whopping 33 yards for 3.3 points.
Darren Sproles - zero.
Boooo!

It's harder to blame wide receivers and tight ends for sucking, but I'm going to call some out:

Mike Wallace - 4.9 points
Justin Blackmon - 3.0 points
Greg Jennings - 0.9 points. I'm not going to put all that on Mr Jennings - his terrible quarterback (I'm looking at you Christian Ponder) and stupid offensive coordinator only targeted him 3 times. THREE. He caught 1 of those 3 for 9 nine yards. What a waste of talent.

Speaking of waste of talent - I commented last week that Calvin Johnson is an obvious starter, despite sitting out last week on The Maiden's bench. The Maiden's unfortunately didn't update their team for Week 8. They got put to the flame by the Lighties, with five of nine players posting zeroes, including Calvin Johnson, who just happened to, well, how can I put it... HAVE A DAY AT THE RACES WITH 329 PASSING YARDS AND 37 POINTS.

Moving right along before I break down in tears. Again.

The Lighties did not have a particularly standout week, including two doughnuts, but did enough to post a win.

The Forces handed Agent P their third loss in a row and setting up a week of soul searching and player grilling. With the win the Forces take top spot on the ladder and bump Agent P down to 3rd place.

For another week Zim's quarterback rollercoaster goes round again. Start 'em and they suck. Sit 'em and they get a few points. Despite that, Run DMC (Darren McFadden), Jordy Nelson and the Bronc's defense stood strong and got the win over a bye-depleted Endless. It also doesn't help when you replace A-grade QB Aaron Rodgers with Mike Vick who then blows his hamstring early in the game. Poor Vick :(

With the sort of irony that only fantasy football can bring, Farnsworth's starting QB Peyton Manning scored less points this week than benched QB Andy Dalton. If you can't immediately place the irony, Peyton put up 45+ points for Farnsworth's bench in Week 1 while Dalton scored around 20 or so. For more QB irony, see Zim. The Farnsworth's also had an empty spot and a zero point player. With a team like that they were unable to bring the heartbreak (that seems reserved for people like me) and cut Breesus down to size. Breesus winning ways continues, with 6, count em SIX, wins in a row. Breesus was once again led by renowned name-thief Drew Brees who posted 33 points. Breesus's three running backs don't know what all the fuss is about, all posting 15+ points. Good for them... or whatever.

In the final game, Doof's Playinators were able to take down an under-resourced Woolibeans. It was Good Cam that showed up in Thursday Night Football and put up 28 points for Wooli, but the rest of the team let him down, including three zeroes. Doof was a bit all over the place - Kaepernick had a better game, Gore was strong and Welker showed up. The gamble of starting Colston did not pay off and Colston will probably be sent back to free agency where he belongs. I don't know why Drew Brees hates him this year, but I'm feeling the hate too.

Doof has now won 4 games straight and has activated The Gardener award. Can the US Forces cut Doof down to size next week? Can Zim cut Breesus at only 6 wins?

Award Ceremony

Yes, last week's award were not posted. I will endeavor to post Week 7 and 8 tonight/tomorrow night. My humblest apologies. 

Hypnotoad Award

Week 8's Hypnotoad Award goes to Breesus King of the Drews for putting up 112 points in a winning team.

Mission Accomplished Award

Continuing the QB irony, Andy Dalton's 31 points on the bench have helped the Farnsworth's take home the Mission Accomplished award for leaving 68 points on the bench and losing to Breesus. QB's are cruel, nasty people that care only for themselves, the bastards! (Except you Colin Kaeper... what's that, Kaep is on a bye this week? QB Free Agency stocks suck? NOOOOO, DAMN YOU TOO COLIN KAEPERNICK)

Black Flag Award

The Black Flag Award goes to Woolibeans for beating his projected score by 7 points.

Most Satisfying Player Award

This weeks Most Satisfying Player should be Calvin Johnson. Should. But as someone (IT WAS THE MAIDENS) left him on the bench the award defaults to Drew Brees who posted 33 points, and is therefore awarded to Breesus King of the Drews. The two sweetest words in the English language, DE-FAULT!